I've always trusted that God doesn't give us "tests" with out using it to create a "test"imony. I knew at the beginning of my dad's cancer journey that He would one day use his story to reach other people. Little did I know the impact his life would go on to have with all the blog readers that followed his journey and the hundreds of you that sent him cards and followed our journey in his battle against lung cancer.
Now that he is gone, he continues to live on not only in our memories, but in other ways too. The night before Easter, my mom was interviewed on a local radio station about my dad's story by an organization called Christ's Starfish. I was so excited for her to continue sharing the beautiful story of hope and faith that my dad's memory has left behind. I keep telling her that she needs to send her blog to a Christian book publisher because what an amazing book it would make! (Anyone have any hook ups out there in blog land???)
Anyways, I just wanted to share the interview with all of you because I'm so proud of her! And it's funny how things come around because when my parents were in their first years of marriage, my mom was the first female disc jockey in Jacksonville on WQIK! So to be interviewed on the radio again talking about my dad all these years later, I just thought that was cute!
Enjoy the interview! Click the link below to play the MP3.
http://scarlettlillian.com/mominterview.mp3
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Come Help Us Celebrate!
“Oh come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving.”
You are invited to a “Wang dang doodle” of a funeral in celebration of the life of Johnny Williams. Johnny was always a person who “did things his way.” He had a way of
“redefining” the norm and living outside the box. He hated funerals. He loved parties and food and music and good friends to share it with. So this Saturday – we are doing a funeral Johnny’s way – Southern Style.
Please join us as we honor Johnny with smiles instead of sadness. The service will begin at 12noon at Ponte Vedra Valley Cemetery and Funeral Home and include a musical video tribute and biography of Johnny’s life, reflections by Pastor Bill Yeldell, a eulogy by Rene Williams, memory moments from friends and a personal poem written by old time friend, Ricky Ebner. Music for the event will be provided by the Rebel Grass band.
Confederate troops will lead the procession of the horse drawn carriage bearing Johnny’s coffin draped with a confederate flag. The funeral dirge will wind its way through the cemetery in a solemn march towards Johnny’s final home. Family and friends are invited to join the procession and walk with him in the final steps of his journey.
At the destination the pallbearers will lift Johnny into his eternal home and the crowd will sing Amazing Grace and Dixie as a last goodbye as the final ceremony of honor is performed with sword and hat.
Down the lane back at the reception area there will be an old fashioned southern barbecue with grills fired up, fish a frying, ham a smoking, ribs a sizzling, chicken frying, turkeys frying and a low country boil bubbling away in a big cauldron. Bags of oysters will be waiting to be shucked and sucked with some good oyster sauce and crackers. Mouth watering “fixins” like peas, potato salad, squash casserole and greens. Dessert will be cobblers and homemade cakes.
We look forward to seeing old friends and meeting new friends who followed Johnny on his Journey to Victory. All are welcome to the party. Please come comfortable and casual and colorful. No black necessary! Seminoles can wear team garb!
Best accommodations for those coming from out of town is THE HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS hotel located at I-295 and Old St Augustine Road. Their phone is (904)899-9000 to book rooms direct. The procession of cars from the hotel will be lead by Chip Bowdren on Saturday morning at 10:30am to the cemetery. It is a 20 mile drive and best to go as a group.
Directions to the hotel from 95 heading South:
Take 95 South and bear right at I-295 following signs towards Orange Park. Once on 295 it is the first exit.
Directions heading North on 95: follow signs to I-295 heading towards orange park. It is the first exit (Old St. Augustine Rd exit) once you are on 295
Directions coming from 1-10: take 1-10 until l-295 hading for Orange Park/Daytona. Continue until you cross the long bridge. Then it is the 2nd exit after the bridge (Old St. Augustine Rd.)
If you are driving in on Saturday morning from out of town your best bet is to meet Chip at the Holiday Inn Express and join the procession to the cemetery so you don’t get lost. Otherwise call the funeral home for specific directions (904)285-1130.
When you arrive there is a name tag table. Please get a tag and proceed inside to sign our guest book.
We hope to see you and meet you and enjoy celebrating Johnny’s life with you!
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene and Scarlett
You are invited to a “Wang dang doodle” of a funeral in celebration of the life of Johnny Williams. Johnny was always a person who “did things his way.” He had a way of
“redefining” the norm and living outside the box. He hated funerals. He loved parties and food and music and good friends to share it with. So this Saturday – we are doing a funeral Johnny’s way – Southern Style.
Please join us as we honor Johnny with smiles instead of sadness. The service will begin at 12noon at Ponte Vedra Valley Cemetery and Funeral Home and include a musical video tribute and biography of Johnny’s life, reflections by Pastor Bill Yeldell, a eulogy by Rene Williams, memory moments from friends and a personal poem written by old time friend, Ricky Ebner. Music for the event will be provided by the Rebel Grass band.
Confederate troops will lead the procession of the horse drawn carriage bearing Johnny’s coffin draped with a confederate flag. The funeral dirge will wind its way through the cemetery in a solemn march towards Johnny’s final home. Family and friends are invited to join the procession and walk with him in the final steps of his journey.
At the destination the pallbearers will lift Johnny into his eternal home and the crowd will sing Amazing Grace and Dixie as a last goodbye as the final ceremony of honor is performed with sword and hat.
Down the lane back at the reception area there will be an old fashioned southern barbecue with grills fired up, fish a frying, ham a smoking, ribs a sizzling, chicken frying, turkeys frying and a low country boil bubbling away in a big cauldron. Bags of oysters will be waiting to be shucked and sucked with some good oyster sauce and crackers. Mouth watering “fixins” like peas, potato salad, squash casserole and greens. Dessert will be cobblers and homemade cakes.
We look forward to seeing old friends and meeting new friends who followed Johnny on his Journey to Victory. All are welcome to the party. Please come comfortable and casual and colorful. No black necessary! Seminoles can wear team garb!
Best accommodations for those coming from out of town is THE HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS hotel located at I-295 and Old St Augustine Road. Their phone is (904)899-9000 to book rooms direct. The procession of cars from the hotel will be lead by Chip Bowdren on Saturday morning at 10:30am to the cemetery. It is a 20 mile drive and best to go as a group.
Directions to the hotel from 95 heading South:
Take 95 South and bear right at I-295 following signs towards Orange Park. Once on 295 it is the first exit.
Directions heading North on 95: follow signs to I-295 heading towards orange park. It is the first exit (Old St. Augustine Rd exit) once you are on 295
Directions coming from 1-10: take 1-10 until l-295 hading for Orange Park/Daytona. Continue until you cross the long bridge. Then it is the 2nd exit after the bridge (Old St. Augustine Rd.)
If you are driving in on Saturday morning from out of town your best bet is to meet Chip at the Holiday Inn Express and join the procession to the cemetery so you don’t get lost. Otherwise call the funeral home for specific directions (904)285-1130.
When you arrive there is a name tag table. Please get a tag and proceed inside to sign our guest book.
We hope to see you and meet you and enjoy celebrating Johnny’s life with you!
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene and Scarlett
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Good bye Daddy.
Johnny Ray Williams
December 21, 1946-February 21, 2009
"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course,
I have kept the faith"
2 Tim 4:7
A picture I took of my dad in 2006 giving tribute to his love of the confederacy in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium.
I don't even know where to begin.
Whew.
The past 2 weeks have been a blurry whirlwind.
What day is it?
Let me rewind to two days before I left for Vegas. I honestly didn't want to book the trip, but in the weeks leading up to it, I had a talk with my dad, and he told I needed to continue moving on with my life, and that this trip signified everything he had worked so hard for to set me up for success, and that I needed to go on the trip. So I booked the trip, planned the photoshoot workshop and my After Party.
Dad had been pretty level and was in comfort receiving home Hospice care. But then, he no longer was able to keep his medicine down due to a continued nauseous problem he was having after not eating since the beginning of the year. So two days before my trip, they moved him into the Hospice facility to try to get the nausea under control to be able to return home. I of course was about to cancel my trip to Vegas, but after a long talk with my mom, she encouraged me to go through with it and reminded me that daddy would want me to go.
The night before I left was Valentine's Day, so I brought my dad some chocolate covered strawberries. He couldn't eat any, but I ate some for him. He was the first man I ever loved, and I couldn't think of a more perfect person to be my Valentine this year. At this point, he was still conscious, but really could only mutter a few words here and there. When my mom got back from errands, we both held his hands and said the most beautiful long heartfelt prayer recalling all our wonderful memories of the life the three of us shared and how thankful we were for all my dad sacrificed to provide my mother and I such a blessed life of abundance. The tears poured down my face as the three of us poured our hearts out to God. We could truly feel His presence in the room, and it was the closure I needed to get on the plane the next day. As I said goodbye, I told him not to go anywhere until I got back from Vegas, and was praying hard that the Lord would allow that to happen.
Fast forward to dinner one night in Vegas. I spoke to my dad one last time on the phone, and though he could only respond with one word at a time, I will cherish that last conversation.
On Thursday night, my mom picked me up from the airport to inform me that earlier that day, daddy became unconscious. We went straight to Hospice, luggage and all, and spent two nights there sleeping on cots beside his bed. It was such a joy that they also allowed us to bring our dogs, my dog Rhett, his "grandpup" and my mom's dog Lucky, my "sister," so that the whole family could be there. Friday morning, the doctor came in to check his vitals and told us that with all the signs he was showing, she didn't expect him to last more than a few hours. Hearing the news, it was the first time I truly cried since I got back. I couldn't believe how close the end was approaching, but at the same time, I was sooooo thankful that he waited until I got back from Vegas. All day Friday, I stayed by his side. I just couldn't leave. As torturous as it was waiting for his last breath, I wanted to be there, as hard as it was to watch him suffer. Though he had been unconscious the past 24 hours and couldn't respond, my mom and I had heard that hearing was the last thing to go, so we continued to talk to him as we always did.
The most beautiful moment we shared was when my mom was having a breakdown moment crying because she wanted to simply lay next to him one more time. In the past few months, my mom had been sleeping in the guest room as to not disturb my dad's sleep at night in their bed, and my mom truly missed laying next to her husband. But since she couldn't lay next to him in the Hospice bed, she stood in front of him and said "Johnny, open your eyes one more time, I need you to open your eyes and look at me one more time before you leave. Honey, will you look at me?" And he did, he opened his eyes for her!!! I jumped up from my cot and was like "Wait, daddy, I want you to see me one more time too, can you open your eyes for me too?" He wasn't able to open his eyes, but he did move his eyebrows up and down as if he was trying. It just meant so much and I'll never forget that moment of seeing his eyes one last time looking at my mom.
(Ok, sorry, have to wipe the tears before I continue.... They still come and go....)
He continued to last through Friday night, the nurses were saying he had the strongest heart holding on that they had ever seen! I would agree. Yesterday morning, I awoke to my mom getting ready to head out to do errands. Before she left, we stood over him and prayed again. Then she headed out and I went back to sleep. Around 11am, his best friend Ed stopped by one more time to check in on him and say goodbye, and I took Rhett out on a walk. I came back in, and Ed headed out. After Ed left, daddy's breathing started to change, almost as if he was gasping for air in those last few breaths. Then mom walked back in, and rushed to his side. The gasps of air became stronger, almost like coughs and he started to make noise that sounded almost like his voice trying to say goodbye. My mom and I stood by his side and simply started to worship the Lord by singing Amazing Grace and other hymns as we stroked him and told him that it was ok to let go. As we continued to sing, he took his last breath and we slowly started to see his pulse come to a stop. It truly was the perfect moment and what an honor it was to send him off to Jesus in the midst of our worship.
Needless to say, it has been an emotional roller coaster. Tears on and off, and in between moments of numbness, like, did this really happen? Is he really gone? The past 8 months since we heard the news of his cancer definitely went by way too fast, but yet, it was the most incredible memorable 8 months of my life. I have never felt God's presence so strong through the last memories my mom and I shared with my dad, and all the wonderful prayers from each and one of you.
I won't be able to thank each one of you personally, but for all who have reached out through Facebook, Twitter, text messages, phone calls and emails, please know from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for being a friend and being my brother and sister in Christ lifting my family up during this difficult time. Though I can't respond to them all, I have read each of your beautiful words and hold them tight in my heart!!!
Also, my mom and I will not be mourning his death, but instead throwing him a huge party for his funeral as a celebration of his life. For those who have shared in our journey, we are opening it up to all to attend. The funeral will be next Saturday, Feb 28th at noon at Ponte Vedra Valley Cemetery. As you can imagine, my inbox is slammed right now, so if you have questions about the funeral arrangements, please email Mark at mark_sweeney@me.com who can help answer your questions. Also, my mom and I request that you not send flowers, but instead make donations to either:
*The American Cancer Society in honor of my dad's name.
*Northeast Florida Community Hospice in honor of my dad's name.
And with my dad's great passion for Southern history, we also ask donations be made in his name to:
*The Jacksonville Museum of Southern History. You can email curator@museumsouthernhistory.com for more info.
*The Sons of the Confederate Veterans. You can email CJ Hart at calvinhart@bellsouth.net for more info.
Lastly. For those who follow me on Twitter, I know a lot of you have been wondering who this @mark_sweeney guy is that I was chatting a lot about while in Vegas. I'm going to keep it on the downlow for now, but I do want to share that he is an amazing source of joy that has come into my life during this difficult time. We shared a romantic first kiss on the Eiffel Tower in Vegas, and things have continued to unfold so much more beautiful than I could ever imagine. We are both excited to see what God has in store for us, but I'm going to keep this part of my life private for the time being. But Mark is definitely a comforting angel that is helping me to smile and laugh a lot right now, and I'm so thankful for his presence in my life. Also, too, I want to share that his mom is also battling cancer right now, so please lift her up in prayer as well. Our parents were diagnosed around the same time, and she is doing remarkably well at the moment. God is good. You can read about her journey through the blog he started for her at lorrainesfight.blogspot.com.
Again, THANK YOU for all your support. Your prayers have kept me strong. I cherish each one of you and your friendship. May God bless you in return with His sweet love.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Johnny is In Heaven
"I press towards the goal of the prize for the upward call of God in Jesus Christ" Phillipians 3:14
Johnny climbed the the stairway to heaven today at 12:20pm. Scarlett and I were there to love him and cheer him on until the last moment. He went in peace. He knew where he was going. He waited for me to get back from letting Lucky out so Scarlett would not be alone. We praise God from whom all blessings flow, that he is now out of constant pain and in the arms of his mother and loved ones.
Stay tuned for the last chapter of Johnny's Journey to Victory. It is a glorious look at a man who never gave up hope and a review of all the lessons we learned on the journey.
His funeral will be next Saturday at 12pm at Ponte Vedra Valley - 4750 Palm Valley Road in Ponte Vedra Beach. Everyone who followed Johnny's journey is invited to this "wang dang doodle" of a party celebrating Johnny's life.
Johnny climbed the the stairway to heaven today at 12:20pm. Scarlett and I were there to love him and cheer him on until the last moment. He went in peace. He knew where he was going. He waited for me to get back from letting Lucky out so Scarlett would not be alone. We praise God from whom all blessings flow, that he is now out of constant pain and in the arms of his mother and loved ones.
Stay tuned for the last chapter of Johnny's Journey to Victory. It is a glorious look at a man who never gave up hope and a review of all the lessons we learned on the journey.
His funeral will be next Saturday at 12pm at Ponte Vedra Valley - 4750 Palm Valley Road in Ponte Vedra Beach. Everyone who followed Johnny's journey is invited to this "wang dang doodle" of a party celebrating Johnny's life.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Angels Lifting Us Up
"The angel of the Lord encamps around all around those who fear Him and delivers them." - Psalm 34:7
Angels wings are lifting us up right now - "lest our foot dashes the rock." I have no words to write now except to update you that we have crossed over into the valley of the unknown. I had to admit Johnny into the hospice center on Sunbeam road the day before Valentines Day. He took a dramatic turn for the worse. I don't know what will be happening from here. We brought him there to stabilize him. But as I write I honestly don't know if he will be coming home.
My heart is breaking. But I know the Lord is near to the broken hearted. So no matter what the circumstances, His praise shall continually be in my mouth and my soul shall make its boast in the Lord.
We covet your continued prayers. I will continue to update you as I can - but right now winds are swirling around us as we wait for the Lord to lift His hands and calm the stormy seas. We know that good things are always ahead - according to His will - for those who love theLord.
In His love,
Rene
Angels wings are lifting us up right now - "lest our foot dashes the rock." I have no words to write now except to update you that we have crossed over into the valley of the unknown. I had to admit Johnny into the hospice center on Sunbeam road the day before Valentines Day. He took a dramatic turn for the worse. I don't know what will be happening from here. We brought him there to stabilize him. But as I write I honestly don't know if he will be coming home.
My heart is breaking. But I know the Lord is near to the broken hearted. So no matter what the circumstances, His praise shall continually be in my mouth and my soul shall make its boast in the Lord.
We covet your continued prayers. I will continue to update you as I can - but right now winds are swirling around us as we wait for the Lord to lift His hands and calm the stormy seas. We know that good things are always ahead - according to His will - for those who love theLord.
In His love,
Rene
Sunday, February 8, 2009
A Love Letter To Your Sweetheart
“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” - Proverbs 3:3
This Valentine’s Day will be a bittersweet one for us this year. Our love is walking through unknown places as Johnny’s health gets worse. We are walking hand in hand, but there is an unseen wall that divides us. I can see Johnny. I can touch Johnny. But it is as if he is straddling two worlds. He is with me but at the same time he is not with me.
His pain and nausea wrap him in a cocoon that takes up all his focus. He finds it hard to concentrate on much else. When his eyes are closed he is not necessarily sleeping. He says these are his moments of peace when he is able to tune out the rest to a certain degree.
And so we continue to walk together – step by step – day by day – living moment by moment. I am holding on to his hand as tight as I can. I want to pour out my heart to him. But we are beyond words now. That is why I am so glad that a few years ago I wrote him a love letter telling him all the things I appreciated about him. It took him by surprise when I read it out loud to him. Actually, it is a “love list.”
I made a list of everything good about Johnny that I recognized, to read to myself each morning. It was my way of thanking God for our incredible love. I wracked my brain thinking of every single little thing I could – big or small – that I appreciated about him. Then it occurred to me that maybe I took for granted that he knew all this. I realized that too often, we DO NOT say things to each other, because we assume they know what we are thinking. So one day I sat him down and read my list to him.
I honestly think this was the best gift I ever gave him. I saw his face light up and his smile get bigger as I continued reading. He blushed. It was as if he could see himself through my eyes of love, and look at himself through a different lense. But he also saw our love in a different light. Things that needed healing in our relationship began to mend. The love letter was like a prescription from God.
I suggest to each of you that you write a “love letter list” this Valentines Day to the one you love. There is nothing complicated about it. Simply make a list of everything you are thankful for about the person. The first items will be obvious ones. Then stop and go deeper. Nothing is too small to list. No matter how long the list (mine has 46 items) make it fit on one page and then he can fold it up and carry it in his wallet.
I would like to share my “love letter” with you so you can get ideas to make your own list with. Remember – men love lists that spell things out rather than flowery poetry.
The Things I Appreciate About Johnny
1. His love for me.
2. He works hard to give us a good life.
3. His brilliant mind.
4. His handsome good looks.
5. His love of family.
6. He “gets” me.
7. His thoughtfulness of my needs.
8. Standing by me during my experience with cancer.
9. The way he tries hard to please me.
10. His love for our animals.
11. He copes with my snoring and loves me despite that.
12. His problem solving abilities.
13. His love for his Southern heritage.
14. He is a good father.
15. He supports Scarlett’s dreams.
16. He always supported my wild ideas and crazy dreams.
17. He forgives my mistakes.
18. His trust in me.
19. His integrity and honesty.
20. The “little boy” in him that needs nurturing and understanding.
21. His love of life and passion he brought to everything he did.
22. His hatred of boredom.
23. His delight in good food which fostered my love of cooking.
24. His consideration of my parents and brothers.
25. The “macho man” inside him and his “macho needs.”
26. The “sports hero” inside him and his love of sports.
27. His financial and business genius.
28. His kindness.
29. His goodness.
30. His class as a Southern Gentleman.
31. His ability to meet anyone and find something in common with them no matter what level in life.
32. His appreciation of my creativity.
33. His ability to see through to the bottom line of anything.
34. His sense of humor.
35. His integrity.
36. His diverse interests in life.
37. He loves me despite me not being perfect.
38. His TLC when I am sick.
39. His sense of honor.
40. His humility in loving God.
41. His stories about his childhood.
42. His values and beliefs about not owing anyone.
43. His word and his promises count.
44. His insight into the world and ability to prognosticate.
45. His detailed knowledge of history.
46. He makes me feel safe.
I hope that this Valentine’s Day you will remember to include the greatest love in the universe from which all else flows. The love of our Lord in the midst of any relationship will help it bloom and grow into a legacy that is truly eternal for generations to come. Think back to words recited on your wedding day. You wanted your love to last forever. What better day to renew your vows than Valentine’s Day. This year make it about more than diamonds and flowers and chocolate. Make it about true love. Make a "love list" for your sweetheart.
Beautiful Blessings from Our Hearts to Yours,
Rene and Johnny Williams
This Valentine’s Day will be a bittersweet one for us this year. Our love is walking through unknown places as Johnny’s health gets worse. We are walking hand in hand, but there is an unseen wall that divides us. I can see Johnny. I can touch Johnny. But it is as if he is straddling two worlds. He is with me but at the same time he is not with me.
His pain and nausea wrap him in a cocoon that takes up all his focus. He finds it hard to concentrate on much else. When his eyes are closed he is not necessarily sleeping. He says these are his moments of peace when he is able to tune out the rest to a certain degree.
And so we continue to walk together – step by step – day by day – living moment by moment. I am holding on to his hand as tight as I can. I want to pour out my heart to him. But we are beyond words now. That is why I am so glad that a few years ago I wrote him a love letter telling him all the things I appreciated about him. It took him by surprise when I read it out loud to him. Actually, it is a “love list.”
I made a list of everything good about Johnny that I recognized, to read to myself each morning. It was my way of thanking God for our incredible love. I wracked my brain thinking of every single little thing I could – big or small – that I appreciated about him. Then it occurred to me that maybe I took for granted that he knew all this. I realized that too often, we DO NOT say things to each other, because we assume they know what we are thinking. So one day I sat him down and read my list to him.
I honestly think this was the best gift I ever gave him. I saw his face light up and his smile get bigger as I continued reading. He blushed. It was as if he could see himself through my eyes of love, and look at himself through a different lense. But he also saw our love in a different light. Things that needed healing in our relationship began to mend. The love letter was like a prescription from God.
I suggest to each of you that you write a “love letter list” this Valentines Day to the one you love. There is nothing complicated about it. Simply make a list of everything you are thankful for about the person. The first items will be obvious ones. Then stop and go deeper. Nothing is too small to list. No matter how long the list (mine has 46 items) make it fit on one page and then he can fold it up and carry it in his wallet.
I would like to share my “love letter” with you so you can get ideas to make your own list with. Remember – men love lists that spell things out rather than flowery poetry.
The Things I Appreciate About Johnny
1. His love for me.
2. He works hard to give us a good life.
3. His brilliant mind.
4. His handsome good looks.
5. His love of family.
6. He “gets” me.
7. His thoughtfulness of my needs.
8. Standing by me during my experience with cancer.
9. The way he tries hard to please me.
10. His love for our animals.
11. He copes with my snoring and loves me despite that.
12. His problem solving abilities.
13. His love for his Southern heritage.
14. He is a good father.
15. He supports Scarlett’s dreams.
16. He always supported my wild ideas and crazy dreams.
17. He forgives my mistakes.
18. His trust in me.
19. His integrity and honesty.
20. The “little boy” in him that needs nurturing and understanding.
21. His love of life and passion he brought to everything he did.
22. His hatred of boredom.
23. His delight in good food which fostered my love of cooking.
24. His consideration of my parents and brothers.
25. The “macho man” inside him and his “macho needs.”
26. The “sports hero” inside him and his love of sports.
27. His financial and business genius.
28. His kindness.
29. His goodness.
30. His class as a Southern Gentleman.
31. His ability to meet anyone and find something in common with them no matter what level in life.
32. His appreciation of my creativity.
33. His ability to see through to the bottom line of anything.
34. His sense of humor.
35. His integrity.
36. His diverse interests in life.
37. He loves me despite me not being perfect.
38. His TLC when I am sick.
39. His sense of honor.
40. His humility in loving God.
41. His stories about his childhood.
42. His values and beliefs about not owing anyone.
43. His word and his promises count.
44. His insight into the world and ability to prognosticate.
45. His detailed knowledge of history.
46. He makes me feel safe.
I hope that this Valentine’s Day you will remember to include the greatest love in the universe from which all else flows. The love of our Lord in the midst of any relationship will help it bloom and grow into a legacy that is truly eternal for generations to come. Think back to words recited on your wedding day. You wanted your love to last forever. What better day to renew your vows than Valentine’s Day. This year make it about more than diamonds and flowers and chocolate. Make it about true love. Make a "love list" for your sweetheart.
Beautiful Blessings from Our Hearts to Yours,
Rene and Johnny Williams
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Seeking God's Face
“My heart said to You, Your face, Lord, will I seek” - Psalm 27:8
Our lives have become very quiet lately. We simply live to get through another day. We manage from hour to hour. In the stillness that has descended upon our days, we listen and can hear the sound of a new “melody of life” that fills the air in our home. It is the sweet strains of love uninterrupted.
It makes me realize how fast we were racing through life before all this. I have discovered, that in slow motion – love is the most beautiful. It all comes down to the simple things. Johnny and I make love in new and beautiful ways now.
It begins each morning as I reach down with my hands outstretched to give him something to hold on to and pull himself up from the pillow. He has to steady himself on the edge of the bed for a minute and I sit beside him. I gently put my arm around him and stroke his hair while he gets oriented. I give him a Dixie cup of water to wet his dry mouth.
He shuffles to the bathroom and back then splashes water on his face at the sink. He runs the brush over the wispy strands of hair left after the chemo. I take some lotion and rub his lower back to ease the ache of laying so long.
We travel down the stairs together with me leading the way and watching so he won’t fall. He drinks some water at the counter and waits for me to gather up his morning regimen of pills to start the day. I perk a pot of coffee and go get the newspaper. I bring it in and spread it out for him. He grabs the same two sections he has grabbed for 33 years – the front page and the sports section and heads for the bathroom.
I walk the dog and come back in to smooth out his couch bed. I’ve laid an egg crate over the couch pillows with a sheet on top. Then there are two pillows to prop his legs and one pillow under each arm. Then he reclines back on more pillows. He is truly floating in clouds of pillows. He needs all the softness he can get to cushion his bony structure.
The rest of the day is spent going back and forth between the couch and recliner. Mostly on the couch these last few days. He leaves the TV on but doesn’t really watch it. It gives him something to stare at when he’s not staring into space and clicking his fingers. It provides company as he naps. I “piddle” around the house giving him peace in the living room for long periods.
Johnny doesn’t talk much anymore. Its getting to be more and more of a strain to talk. Phone conversations wear him out. Visits tire him quickly. I miss the great debates we used to have about solving world problems and listening to his many monologues on Southern history or life back in Jackson County where he grew up.
I offer him food and water and medicine all day. He is not interested in eating. He hates pill time. He never did like to take pills. I bandage his boo boos. I file his nails. I read him his cards and letters. I help him take a shower. I help him get dressed. I pull on his socks and slippers for him. We pray together at bed time.
This is our new love language. It’s back to the basics of love. Its back to where it all started in the beginning. It is a beautiful friendship of two people who started with nothing and now have come back to nothing – NOTHING BUT LOVE. Love for each other. Love for our family. Love for our God.
Though we’ve had many ups and downs over the years we always bounced back to the love which kept us going. I think what bound us together for so long is our intense passion we shared for living life to the fullest. It lead to occasional clashes of egos, but in the end we were back to back, facing the world and always taking on new challenges together.
This is by far the greatest challenge we have faced but not the hardest. The hardest ones were those we tried to do without God being in the center. The most painful challenges were those that tested our hearts for each other. But by the grace of God we have always triumphed. Love trumps all.
So here is my advice for those who seek love that endures. Seek God first. I look back and realize we could have avoided a lot of unnecessary pain in life, if we had had the courage to get our priorities right early. If only I could have known that God and his instructions did not RESTRICT my life – it UNLEASHED my life, to realize the joy of maximized potential for everything.
Seek God’s face and you will discover a world filled with so much love that it absolutely spills over into every nook and cranny in your life and brightens every room you enter. Real love is contagious. It blesses all who encounter it. I hope you find it. It is that which we all seek but can only be found when we search the right place – the heart of God.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Our lives have become very quiet lately. We simply live to get through another day. We manage from hour to hour. In the stillness that has descended upon our days, we listen and can hear the sound of a new “melody of life” that fills the air in our home. It is the sweet strains of love uninterrupted.
It makes me realize how fast we were racing through life before all this. I have discovered, that in slow motion – love is the most beautiful. It all comes down to the simple things. Johnny and I make love in new and beautiful ways now.
It begins each morning as I reach down with my hands outstretched to give him something to hold on to and pull himself up from the pillow. He has to steady himself on the edge of the bed for a minute and I sit beside him. I gently put my arm around him and stroke his hair while he gets oriented. I give him a Dixie cup of water to wet his dry mouth.
He shuffles to the bathroom and back then splashes water on his face at the sink. He runs the brush over the wispy strands of hair left after the chemo. I take some lotion and rub his lower back to ease the ache of laying so long.
We travel down the stairs together with me leading the way and watching so he won’t fall. He drinks some water at the counter and waits for me to gather up his morning regimen of pills to start the day. I perk a pot of coffee and go get the newspaper. I bring it in and spread it out for him. He grabs the same two sections he has grabbed for 33 years – the front page and the sports section and heads for the bathroom.
I walk the dog and come back in to smooth out his couch bed. I’ve laid an egg crate over the couch pillows with a sheet on top. Then there are two pillows to prop his legs and one pillow under each arm. Then he reclines back on more pillows. He is truly floating in clouds of pillows. He needs all the softness he can get to cushion his bony structure.
The rest of the day is spent going back and forth between the couch and recliner. Mostly on the couch these last few days. He leaves the TV on but doesn’t really watch it. It gives him something to stare at when he’s not staring into space and clicking his fingers. It provides company as he naps. I “piddle” around the house giving him peace in the living room for long periods.
Johnny doesn’t talk much anymore. Its getting to be more and more of a strain to talk. Phone conversations wear him out. Visits tire him quickly. I miss the great debates we used to have about solving world problems and listening to his many monologues on Southern history or life back in Jackson County where he grew up.
I offer him food and water and medicine all day. He is not interested in eating. He hates pill time. He never did like to take pills. I bandage his boo boos. I file his nails. I read him his cards and letters. I help him take a shower. I help him get dressed. I pull on his socks and slippers for him. We pray together at bed time.
This is our new love language. It’s back to the basics of love. Its back to where it all started in the beginning. It is a beautiful friendship of two people who started with nothing and now have come back to nothing – NOTHING BUT LOVE. Love for each other. Love for our family. Love for our God.
Though we’ve had many ups and downs over the years we always bounced back to the love which kept us going. I think what bound us together for so long is our intense passion we shared for living life to the fullest. It lead to occasional clashes of egos, but in the end we were back to back, facing the world and always taking on new challenges together.
This is by far the greatest challenge we have faced but not the hardest. The hardest ones were those we tried to do without God being in the center. The most painful challenges were those that tested our hearts for each other. But by the grace of God we have always triumphed. Love trumps all.
So here is my advice for those who seek love that endures. Seek God first. I look back and realize we could have avoided a lot of unnecessary pain in life, if we had had the courage to get our priorities right early. If only I could have known that God and his instructions did not RESTRICT my life – it UNLEASHED my life, to realize the joy of maximized potential for everything.
Seek God’s face and you will discover a world filled with so much love that it absolutely spills over into every nook and cranny in your life and brightens every room you enter. Real love is contagious. It blesses all who encounter it. I hope you find it. It is that which we all seek but can only be found when we search the right place – the heart of God.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Giving Praise for God's Lovingkindness
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joful lips.” - Psalm 63:3
I knew it was going to be a good day this morning when I walked outside and saw the clear blue beautiful sky. I smiled and belted out my morning ritual song that I always sing as I walk down the long driveway to fetch the newspaper. I’m sure the neighbors wonder about me now and then! But I figure, it couldn’t hurt for them to hear the words:
“Oh, what a beautiful morning,
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I’ve got a beautiful feeling,
Good things are coming my way.”
I sing that every morning no matter what is happening in my life. I feel like it summons the angels in the universe to listen and head my way. I am hoping that a heart that sings out praise will attract blessings to flow out from everywhere. Sure enough – we had 2 extra special blessings appear out of the blue this week. Their names are Randy and Patsy.
We haven’t seen Johnny’s brother and sister for many years but this week Patsy called and the beautiful circle of family love was once again whole. Randy called and the light in Johnny’s face, beaming while he talked to him, brought tears to my eyes. Johnny is the older brother, and during the years growing up the three of them were inseparable.
Time had taken a toll on that closeness over the years as everyone went down separate paths. Their parents died a long time ago. Johnny moved away after graduation. But something that remained in all three, was the beautiful legacy Arthur and Bernice Skipper left their children. They left them the traditions and values and knowledge of a life well lived, in a simple and beautiful and loving way.
More blessings also came from others dear to us. Ralph and Sheri Collins surprised us with my favorite flowers….ROSES and LILLIES in a magnificent arrangement amongst baby’s breath and ferns in an exquisite vase. Ralph worked with Johnny for many years, running field operations for our company. He is now serving in the military and stationed in Iraq “running field operations” on a much higher level. Sheri is running local “field operations” holding the fort down at home. Please keep them both in prayer – as well as their darling daughter Anita.
Old friends and new friends are reaching out to Johnny with calls and visits. I am glad to see him embraced so warmly with so much love. It is good for one’s soul to see the other lives you have touched now and then. I think Johnny is blessed to see how he has made a difference in some lives. My greatest definition of success is to know that “one life breathed easier because you lived.” Johnny brought a passion for living to many lives.
Johnny is sleeping away on the couch downstairs as I write. I sprayed his fresh sheets on the couch/bed with roses fragrance so he could lay down in a field of flowers! I am hoping he can rest up and enjoy the Superbowl Game on TV. I told him if he was taking Arizona I would take Pittsburgh so he would get his rivalry spirit on. Sports was something that always excited him. He was the ultimate recliner coach!
I give thanks for a peaceful heart today. My energy is returned and vitality restored. My spirit is back and I am ready for the steps in front of me with confidence and trust. I know that spring is on the way and we will endure this winter in our lives, with hearts that continue to sing His praise and glory forever.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
I knew it was going to be a good day this morning when I walked outside and saw the clear blue beautiful sky. I smiled and belted out my morning ritual song that I always sing as I walk down the long driveway to fetch the newspaper. I’m sure the neighbors wonder about me now and then! But I figure, it couldn’t hurt for them to hear the words:
“Oh, what a beautiful morning,
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I’ve got a beautiful feeling,
Good things are coming my way.”
I sing that every morning no matter what is happening in my life. I feel like it summons the angels in the universe to listen and head my way. I am hoping that a heart that sings out praise will attract blessings to flow out from everywhere. Sure enough – we had 2 extra special blessings appear out of the blue this week. Their names are Randy and Patsy.
We haven’t seen Johnny’s brother and sister for many years but this week Patsy called and the beautiful circle of family love was once again whole. Randy called and the light in Johnny’s face, beaming while he talked to him, brought tears to my eyes. Johnny is the older brother, and during the years growing up the three of them were inseparable.
Time had taken a toll on that closeness over the years as everyone went down separate paths. Their parents died a long time ago. Johnny moved away after graduation. But something that remained in all three, was the beautiful legacy Arthur and Bernice Skipper left their children. They left them the traditions and values and knowledge of a life well lived, in a simple and beautiful and loving way.
More blessings also came from others dear to us. Ralph and Sheri Collins surprised us with my favorite flowers….ROSES and LILLIES in a magnificent arrangement amongst baby’s breath and ferns in an exquisite vase. Ralph worked with Johnny for many years, running field operations for our company. He is now serving in the military and stationed in Iraq “running field operations” on a much higher level. Sheri is running local “field operations” holding the fort down at home. Please keep them both in prayer – as well as their darling daughter Anita.
Old friends and new friends are reaching out to Johnny with calls and visits. I am glad to see him embraced so warmly with so much love. It is good for one’s soul to see the other lives you have touched now and then. I think Johnny is blessed to see how he has made a difference in some lives. My greatest definition of success is to know that “one life breathed easier because you lived.” Johnny brought a passion for living to many lives.
Johnny is sleeping away on the couch downstairs as I write. I sprayed his fresh sheets on the couch/bed with roses fragrance so he could lay down in a field of flowers! I am hoping he can rest up and enjoy the Superbowl Game on TV. I told him if he was taking Arizona I would take Pittsburgh so he would get his rivalry spirit on. Sports was something that always excited him. He was the ultimate recliner coach!
I give thanks for a peaceful heart today. My energy is returned and vitality restored. My spirit is back and I am ready for the steps in front of me with confidence and trust. I know that spring is on the way and we will endure this winter in our lives, with hearts that continue to sing His praise and glory forever.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Until The Last Moment
“My sheep hear My voice and I know them and they follow me” - John 10:27
I’ve been sitting in front of the dwindling fire in the fireplace for the past hour. I stare at it and look over at the empty couch. Johnny has been sleeping on and off all day….mostly on. He finally gave up and went upstairs to bed. I don’t know how much longer he will be able to make it up the steps. He takes a few steps at a time and must rest before he continues up. We have 16 stairs. When he gets to the top he is exhausted.
I’ve tried to get him to start sleeping downstairs – but he is such a fighter. He won’t give up until he just can’t do it anymore – till he has fought with all his might. He has always been a good card player. He knows when to “hold em” and when to “fold em.” He also knows when to walk away. This week he walked away from the chemo and told the doctor – “no more.”
He weighed in about 145lbs and has never recovered from the devastating effects of the last chemo. He hasn’t eaten more than a handful daily in weeks. He threw up the night before the scheduled chemo. He walked out of the bathroom and told me “that’s it – let’s talk about hospice.”
I’ve been trying to broach the subject for weeks. But he would hold up his hand and forbid me to mention it, “don’t take away my hope” he would say. I couldn’t make him understand all the positive benefits of the improvements in his quality of life. Then “a God thing” happened when his friend Chuck came to visit one day.
In the course of a conversation they had, Chuck started relating his own experiences with hospice when his dad was sick. Something about hearing it from another man made Johnny listen. That began the process of Johnny’s mind being receptive to getting help in a different way.
And so this week Hospice came to the house and we began the process of setting up services here at home. They are wonderful. He is now getting a whole new level of medical attention that really gives us the security of someone “having our back” on a 24/7 basis. We have an assigned nurse. They handle all the medications from here on. He has instant access to doctors on call. New meds arrived on our doorstep within an hour of his assessment.
A shower chair arrived the next day. An aide is on call when he needs assistance of any kind doing daily activities. Counselors and pastors are available. Folks, this is medical care as it should be. Compassion combined with the philosophy that the patient’s best interest is their only interest.
There has been a flurry of activity going on the last few days that has exhausted Johnny. I think he has found a new peace in the process of letting go and giving up the chemo fight. He has been sleeping constantly as if finally allowing himself to relax. He is on a new medication regimen targeting his nausea first. But he still hardly eats.
I suddenly realize that this week has exhausted me also. But it is more than physical. I know my spirit took flight this week to help him fly. I feel as if spiritually, I have been with him on his journey trying to help him over this big hurdle. I’ve been holding his hand when I need to spiritually, and carrying him on my shoulders when he can’t go further. These are the moments our spirits came together as one.
I have not been able to write this week. My mind has been blank because my spirit was not present – it was with Johnny walking through the valley….trying to follow our Shepherd in a place we have never been. I have had to lead Johnny for the first time.
I’ve been holding our wedding picture clutched to my heart as I’ve stared at the fire tonight. It’s my favorite wedding picture. We had just turned around and were walking hand and hand towards our unknown future for the first time as man and wife. Johnny was leading the way.
Tonight, I felt so alone. He didn’t even finish watching the fire die out like he always does. Even when he was still there it’s like he wasn’t there. The man that now lays on the couch is not the same Johnny I have known for 33 years. He is a fragile shell of the old Johnny, whose zest for living and laughing and loving life to the fullest, always made our world an adventure.
There are many seasons that love travels through. I was not expecting this one for a few more decades. But here it is. It’s “baptism by fire.” Walking through this valley is indescribable. It really is like a fog you can’t see through. All we can do is listen for “the shepherd’s voice” calling out to us and guiding us through to the other side of the valley towards the light.
And so we walk – one day at a time – step by step – walking through fear, walking through uncertainty, walking through pain – and clinging to the peace that surpasses all understanding. God tells us “I know my sheep and am known by My own. We follow in faith because we know that all is well….no matter the circumstances….because we are loved, we are watched over….and we are together…….now and forever….until the last moment.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
I’ve been sitting in front of the dwindling fire in the fireplace for the past hour. I stare at it and look over at the empty couch. Johnny has been sleeping on and off all day….mostly on. He finally gave up and went upstairs to bed. I don’t know how much longer he will be able to make it up the steps. He takes a few steps at a time and must rest before he continues up. We have 16 stairs. When he gets to the top he is exhausted.
I’ve tried to get him to start sleeping downstairs – but he is such a fighter. He won’t give up until he just can’t do it anymore – till he has fought with all his might. He has always been a good card player. He knows when to “hold em” and when to “fold em.” He also knows when to walk away. This week he walked away from the chemo and told the doctor – “no more.”
He weighed in about 145lbs and has never recovered from the devastating effects of the last chemo. He hasn’t eaten more than a handful daily in weeks. He threw up the night before the scheduled chemo. He walked out of the bathroom and told me “that’s it – let’s talk about hospice.”
I’ve been trying to broach the subject for weeks. But he would hold up his hand and forbid me to mention it, “don’t take away my hope” he would say. I couldn’t make him understand all the positive benefits of the improvements in his quality of life. Then “a God thing” happened when his friend Chuck came to visit one day.
In the course of a conversation they had, Chuck started relating his own experiences with hospice when his dad was sick. Something about hearing it from another man made Johnny listen. That began the process of Johnny’s mind being receptive to getting help in a different way.
And so this week Hospice came to the house and we began the process of setting up services here at home. They are wonderful. He is now getting a whole new level of medical attention that really gives us the security of someone “having our back” on a 24/7 basis. We have an assigned nurse. They handle all the medications from here on. He has instant access to doctors on call. New meds arrived on our doorstep within an hour of his assessment.
A shower chair arrived the next day. An aide is on call when he needs assistance of any kind doing daily activities. Counselors and pastors are available. Folks, this is medical care as it should be. Compassion combined with the philosophy that the patient’s best interest is their only interest.
There has been a flurry of activity going on the last few days that has exhausted Johnny. I think he has found a new peace in the process of letting go and giving up the chemo fight. He has been sleeping constantly as if finally allowing himself to relax. He is on a new medication regimen targeting his nausea first. But he still hardly eats.
I suddenly realize that this week has exhausted me also. But it is more than physical. I know my spirit took flight this week to help him fly. I feel as if spiritually, I have been with him on his journey trying to help him over this big hurdle. I’ve been holding his hand when I need to spiritually, and carrying him on my shoulders when he can’t go further. These are the moments our spirits came together as one.
I have not been able to write this week. My mind has been blank because my spirit was not present – it was with Johnny walking through the valley….trying to follow our Shepherd in a place we have never been. I have had to lead Johnny for the first time.
I’ve been holding our wedding picture clutched to my heart as I’ve stared at the fire tonight. It’s my favorite wedding picture. We had just turned around and were walking hand and hand towards our unknown future for the first time as man and wife. Johnny was leading the way.
Tonight, I felt so alone. He didn’t even finish watching the fire die out like he always does. Even when he was still there it’s like he wasn’t there. The man that now lays on the couch is not the same Johnny I have known for 33 years. He is a fragile shell of the old Johnny, whose zest for living and laughing and loving life to the fullest, always made our world an adventure.
There are many seasons that love travels through. I was not expecting this one for a few more decades. But here it is. It’s “baptism by fire.” Walking through this valley is indescribable. It really is like a fog you can’t see through. All we can do is listen for “the shepherd’s voice” calling out to us and guiding us through to the other side of the valley towards the light.
And so we walk – one day at a time – step by step – walking through fear, walking through uncertainty, walking through pain – and clinging to the peace that surpasses all understanding. God tells us “I know my sheep and am known by My own. We follow in faith because we know that all is well….no matter the circumstances….because we are loved, we are watched over….and we are together…….now and forever….until the last moment.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Keeping Your Faith When God Says "no."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding" - Proverbs 3:5
Do you ever wonder why you don’t get some of the things you have prayed for? Do you feel like God has let you down or is not listening? Do you believe God answers all prayers? I have had several people ask me about my faith through all this, all so I thought I would share what God has taught me about the above questions. I want to reveal the secret of my peace.
First of all, let’s set the stage with some truths.
- No, I don’t want Johnny to die.
- Yes, this is the most traumatic experience I have ever been through.
- Yes, Johnny is the love of my life, who I fell in love with the moment I met him.
- No, peace doesn’t magically flow to me automatically.
- Yes, I work hard tending to my faith each day.
- Yes, I believe God answers all prayer.
- Yes, I believe God knows all things including what is best.
- Yes, I believe anything is possible with God.
Johnny and I live in a moment frozen in time right now. Our world is one of lazer beam focus directed to one priority – getting through each day, one day at a time, and hanging on to our faith with all our might. Every day for Johnny is a battle against pain and nausea and trying to get an appetite. Every day for me is a mission of taking control of our worlds so Johnny has nothing else to worry about but achieving the above objectives.
At first our battle was long range goals to reverse the cancer. Together we fought tooth and nail going to extreme lengths to try anything we could find to help the oncologists. We had tough times and we had good times in between. Now it is all tough times. The latest patch he wears for nausea has not worked all week.
The last meal Johnny ate was last Sunday. I fixed him turnip greens and pork chop and hoecakes. Every day since then he eats less piece of fruit a day. Last night he “got a wild hair” and thought he felt hungry. He sent me out for food.. By the time I rushed home with it and set it before him he had a frown on his face. “It’s gone,” he said. He tried to eat a few bites anyway but had to race to the bathroom to throw it up.
He gets weaker and weaker as he eats less and less. I know he’s lost more weight but he won’t weigh anymore. It depresses him. We are waiting to get the next CAT Scan on Tuesday and meet with the oncologist to review the results and decide whether or not to continue with the last chemo or contact hospice.
Johnny has tried to keep fighting on through the pain and nausea, but now with the way things are progressing, I think he is reaching that point of being ready to change his focus to quality of life rather than quantity of life. He knows his time is limited. He wants to truly live every moment while he is here, and enjoy the time he has left, as comfortably as possible.
Back to the question now, of keeping our faith with the outcome looking bleak. One might ask, why did God not answer our prayer for healing? As we have marched onward in “Johnny’s journey to victory,” we knew the greatest victory was being one with, the same as, and in tune with God’s will. We know that GOD heals and it is God’s call. Because God has a plan for each of us, that does not end when our time here on earth is up. It is a plan for all eternity.
The victory that we march towards each day is one of letting God control our destiny. Yes, we have our preferences of how we would like it to be. Yes, we express our opinions to God and request our wills be done. But, the bottom line is that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He sees our bigger picture in the grand scheme of things.
I can look back in the last year or two, at the things God said “no” to us about, and see how His “no’s” were leading towards our greater good in the events we are now experiencing. One “no” came when we prayed for our business to continue thriving. Circumstances forced us to close the business and retire early. Johnny was diagnosed six months later.
Also, I was going to start teaching. I had applied for a special program in the school system that was looking for retirees who wanted a second career to teach. I was really excited at the prospect and made it through the first cuts towards selection. But in the end I didn’t get it. I was really disappointed and had a hard time understanding God’s “no” on that one. He knew I always dreamed of being a teacher and I would be a good one! (Or so I thought.)
One month after my last school board interview, Johnny was in the hospital. Everything worked out for good. I never would have been able to juggle having a full time teaching job and going to school to get certified simultaneously with this journey. God knew what He was doing when he said “no” to that prayer request. God knew Johnny would need me more than ever.
The greatest victory is not losing our faith during this journey. Instead, individually and together, our faith has grown so strong that we can truly come to understand what “that peace that surpasses all understanding” really means. We have learned to trust God NO MATTER WHAT. We trust Him because we love him. We KNOW His name. We KNOW we are not alone. We know this journey is for His greater glory. We know he is using us to light the candles of faith in many people who are on this journey with us.
So finally, here are the answers we have learned to the initial questions I asked. I know why we didn’t get some things we prayed for. I believe God answers all prayer – just not necessarily the answers we were hoping for. I know God is always listening to us.
What is it you have prayed for that you are not getting the answer you expected? I encourage you to keep trusting God even when He says “no.” Everything works together for good to those who love God. We must believe His answers are always in our best interest. He is always pushing us towards the destiny we born for. In between our birth and death on this earth our purpose is to discover Him, know Him, honor Him and love Him with the same unconditional love that He loves us with.
Keep trusting Him no matter what your circumstances. Keep listening to Him as He whispers to your heart. Keep walking forward to the victory that waits for each of us, which always comes with surrendering ourselves to His divine timing and order for our greatest good. You might not get what you want, but God will give you what you need.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
Do you ever wonder why you don’t get some of the things you have prayed for? Do you feel like God has let you down or is not listening? Do you believe God answers all prayers? I have had several people ask me about my faith through all this, all so I thought I would share what God has taught me about the above questions. I want to reveal the secret of my peace.
First of all, let’s set the stage with some truths.
- No, I don’t want Johnny to die.
- Yes, this is the most traumatic experience I have ever been through.
- Yes, Johnny is the love of my life, who I fell in love with the moment I met him.
- No, peace doesn’t magically flow to me automatically.
- Yes, I work hard tending to my faith each day.
- Yes, I believe God answers all prayer.
- Yes, I believe God knows all things including what is best.
- Yes, I believe anything is possible with God.
Johnny and I live in a moment frozen in time right now. Our world is one of lazer beam focus directed to one priority – getting through each day, one day at a time, and hanging on to our faith with all our might. Every day for Johnny is a battle against pain and nausea and trying to get an appetite. Every day for me is a mission of taking control of our worlds so Johnny has nothing else to worry about but achieving the above objectives.
At first our battle was long range goals to reverse the cancer. Together we fought tooth and nail going to extreme lengths to try anything we could find to help the oncologists. We had tough times and we had good times in between. Now it is all tough times. The latest patch he wears for nausea has not worked all week.
The last meal Johnny ate was last Sunday. I fixed him turnip greens and pork chop and hoecakes. Every day since then he eats less piece of fruit a day. Last night he “got a wild hair” and thought he felt hungry. He sent me out for food.. By the time I rushed home with it and set it before him he had a frown on his face. “It’s gone,” he said. He tried to eat a few bites anyway but had to race to the bathroom to throw it up.
He gets weaker and weaker as he eats less and less. I know he’s lost more weight but he won’t weigh anymore. It depresses him. We are waiting to get the next CAT Scan on Tuesday and meet with the oncologist to review the results and decide whether or not to continue with the last chemo or contact hospice.
Johnny has tried to keep fighting on through the pain and nausea, but now with the way things are progressing, I think he is reaching that point of being ready to change his focus to quality of life rather than quantity of life. He knows his time is limited. He wants to truly live every moment while he is here, and enjoy the time he has left, as comfortably as possible.
Back to the question now, of keeping our faith with the outcome looking bleak. One might ask, why did God not answer our prayer for healing? As we have marched onward in “Johnny’s journey to victory,” we knew the greatest victory was being one with, the same as, and in tune with God’s will. We know that GOD heals and it is God’s call. Because God has a plan for each of us, that does not end when our time here on earth is up. It is a plan for all eternity.
The victory that we march towards each day is one of letting God control our destiny. Yes, we have our preferences of how we would like it to be. Yes, we express our opinions to God and request our wills be done. But, the bottom line is that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He sees our bigger picture in the grand scheme of things.
I can look back in the last year or two, at the things God said “no” to us about, and see how His “no’s” were leading towards our greater good in the events we are now experiencing. One “no” came when we prayed for our business to continue thriving. Circumstances forced us to close the business and retire early. Johnny was diagnosed six months later.
Also, I was going to start teaching. I had applied for a special program in the school system that was looking for retirees who wanted a second career to teach. I was really excited at the prospect and made it through the first cuts towards selection. But in the end I didn’t get it. I was really disappointed and had a hard time understanding God’s “no” on that one. He knew I always dreamed of being a teacher and I would be a good one! (Or so I thought.)
One month after my last school board interview, Johnny was in the hospital. Everything worked out for good. I never would have been able to juggle having a full time teaching job and going to school to get certified simultaneously with this journey. God knew what He was doing when he said “no” to that prayer request. God knew Johnny would need me more than ever.
The greatest victory is not losing our faith during this journey. Instead, individually and together, our faith has grown so strong that we can truly come to understand what “that peace that surpasses all understanding” really means. We have learned to trust God NO MATTER WHAT. We trust Him because we love him. We KNOW His name. We KNOW we are not alone. We know this journey is for His greater glory. We know he is using us to light the candles of faith in many people who are on this journey with us.
So finally, here are the answers we have learned to the initial questions I asked. I know why we didn’t get some things we prayed for. I believe God answers all prayer – just not necessarily the answers we were hoping for. I know God is always listening to us.
What is it you have prayed for that you are not getting the answer you expected? I encourage you to keep trusting God even when He says “no.” Everything works together for good to those who love God. We must believe His answers are always in our best interest. He is always pushing us towards the destiny we born for. In between our birth and death on this earth our purpose is to discover Him, know Him, honor Him and love Him with the same unconditional love that He loves us with.
Keep trusting Him no matter what your circumstances. Keep listening to Him as He whispers to your heart. Keep walking forward to the victory that waits for each of us, which always comes with surrendering ourselves to His divine timing and order for our greatest good. You might not get what you want, but God will give you what you need.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
Friday, January 23, 2009
Having A "Heart To Heart" With God
“Trust in Him at all times you people; pour out your heart before Him.” - Psalm 62:8
How do you talk to God? Did you ever think about your communication with Him? I have many Christian friends who have all taught me different things about my walk with God. But there is one friend in particular who taught me to talk to God.Her name is Donna Carter. We have been friends for almost 20 years. We met when her father, Jack Kulan, was placed in the nursing home I worked for. We were both going through troubled periods in our lives and used to have coffee a lot to help each other with girlfriend talk.
Back then I was still at a crossroads with my faith, and struggling to trust God enough to let Him be in control of my life. I was steering through stormy waters and feeling pretty sorry for myself, and acting accordingly. I knew there was a better way to get over some major issues, but I was too busy having a pity party back then to hear what God was trying to tell me.
And here was Donna at that time, going through major life struggles also, especially dealing with her Daddy and all the trauma of making a transition in their relationship, but yet, all she ever talked about was Jesus and the daily conversations they had, and how He was helping her through it all, and how wonderful He was, and on and on and on! I used to watch her over my coffee cup and think “she’s talking like God actually talks to her face to face!”
She would just light up like a candle, smiling those great big dimples as she gushed, relaying her words to Him as I just sat there in awe. And I’m thinking, is this fair? How is it He talks to her and not me? And how can she be so happy when her world is falling around her? Donna gave me a little maroon Bible Promises Book. She told me that whatever problem I had God had an answer for in that book. I still have that book. As a matter of fact, I have bought that book for others many times since then. But here’s the thing. We can study the Word. We can speak the Word. But until you can take those words and plant them in your heart and transform them into a love language with God, they are dead on a doorstep.
This is what Donna helped me to do. She taught me to have a relationship with God by learning to talk to him like I would anyone else. For instance, just think of talking to anyone you love in your family. You don’t pull out a book and read a script to them in a monotone voice do you? No. You have animated conversations with inflections and body language. Your eyes sparkle. You smile. You infuse your conversations with emotions. When you are talking to someone you love you are speaking from the heart. You are pouring out your heart to them. You are relating heart to heart. It is no different with God. Well, I take that back. It IS different. It is better.
Through the years on my journey to connect heart to heart with God, I found it interesting that though I have never been afraid to take centerstage in public, or meet strangers, or been the least shy about being a “ham,” I ALWAYS shied away from “saying the blessing” at any gathering. I used to listen to others just pour their hearts out with eloquence and think how blessed they were to be able to pray like that. As my faith has continued to grow, I have learned to relax and just “let her rip” with God. Privately I talk to Him through reciting the word and singing and just rambling on like to any other friend. Publicly, I am finding it easier and easier to speak through faith and share my faith with others. Because the more I surrender to it without thinking about it – the better I get at finding just the right words, at just the right time, for someone who needs to hear it.
And its all because I have learned to love God in more intimate and joyful ways then I ever could have imagined. He is my savior but he is my friend and always there. We are best friends forever! Girlfriends can be some of God’s best ministering angels to teach us about loving from the heart.
Now I am passing it forward to Johnny in unique and beautiful ways. Writing this blog has brought Johnny love and friendship, through the power of God, that has just EXPLODED in his life in ways he can hardly believe. People all over the county are pouring their hearts out to him like they have been friends all their lives. He shakes his head in wonder and sometimes get fearful because it’s hard to understand so much goodness coming at you at once. I tell him sit back and enjoy the ride and “feel the love.” This is how it is when you board “the soul train” that is fueled by God’s love. This is friendship at its very best. This is better than MySpace or Facebook could ever be. We all have more “friends in common” than the internet could fathom with a Christian community.
When God listens to you he looks at your heart. It speaks louder than any words. His heart is your heart. He is the tick. You are the tock. So just talk to him with your heart and unlock all the treasures you will find waiting there. The greatest treasure is your Heavenly friend who is waiting for another great conversation.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
How do you talk to God? Did you ever think about your communication with Him? I have many Christian friends who have all taught me different things about my walk with God. But there is one friend in particular who taught me to talk to God.Her name is Donna Carter. We have been friends for almost 20 years. We met when her father, Jack Kulan, was placed in the nursing home I worked for. We were both going through troubled periods in our lives and used to have coffee a lot to help each other with girlfriend talk.
Back then I was still at a crossroads with my faith, and struggling to trust God enough to let Him be in control of my life. I was steering through stormy waters and feeling pretty sorry for myself, and acting accordingly. I knew there was a better way to get over some major issues, but I was too busy having a pity party back then to hear what God was trying to tell me.
And here was Donna at that time, going through major life struggles also, especially dealing with her Daddy and all the trauma of making a transition in their relationship, but yet, all she ever talked about was Jesus and the daily conversations they had, and how He was helping her through it all, and how wonderful He was, and on and on and on! I used to watch her over my coffee cup and think “she’s talking like God actually talks to her face to face!”
She would just light up like a candle, smiling those great big dimples as she gushed, relaying her words to Him as I just sat there in awe. And I’m thinking, is this fair? How is it He talks to her and not me? And how can she be so happy when her world is falling around her? Donna gave me a little maroon Bible Promises Book. She told me that whatever problem I had God had an answer for in that book. I still have that book. As a matter of fact, I have bought that book for others many times since then. But here’s the thing. We can study the Word. We can speak the Word. But until you can take those words and plant them in your heart and transform them into a love language with God, they are dead on a doorstep.
This is what Donna helped me to do. She taught me to have a relationship with God by learning to talk to him like I would anyone else. For instance, just think of talking to anyone you love in your family. You don’t pull out a book and read a script to them in a monotone voice do you? No. You have animated conversations with inflections and body language. Your eyes sparkle. You smile. You infuse your conversations with emotions. When you are talking to someone you love you are speaking from the heart. You are pouring out your heart to them. You are relating heart to heart. It is no different with God. Well, I take that back. It IS different. It is better.
Through the years on my journey to connect heart to heart with God, I found it interesting that though I have never been afraid to take centerstage in public, or meet strangers, or been the least shy about being a “ham,” I ALWAYS shied away from “saying the blessing” at any gathering. I used to listen to others just pour their hearts out with eloquence and think how blessed they were to be able to pray like that. As my faith has continued to grow, I have learned to relax and just “let her rip” with God. Privately I talk to Him through reciting the word and singing and just rambling on like to any other friend. Publicly, I am finding it easier and easier to speak through faith and share my faith with others. Because the more I surrender to it without thinking about it – the better I get at finding just the right words, at just the right time, for someone who needs to hear it.
And its all because I have learned to love God in more intimate and joyful ways then I ever could have imagined. He is my savior but he is my friend and always there. We are best friends forever! Girlfriends can be some of God’s best ministering angels to teach us about loving from the heart.
Now I am passing it forward to Johnny in unique and beautiful ways. Writing this blog has brought Johnny love and friendship, through the power of God, that has just EXPLODED in his life in ways he can hardly believe. People all over the county are pouring their hearts out to him like they have been friends all their lives. He shakes his head in wonder and sometimes get fearful because it’s hard to understand so much goodness coming at you at once. I tell him sit back and enjoy the ride and “feel the love.” This is how it is when you board “the soul train” that is fueled by God’s love. This is friendship at its very best. This is better than MySpace or Facebook could ever be. We all have more “friends in common” than the internet could fathom with a Christian community.
When God listens to you he looks at your heart. It speaks louder than any words. His heart is your heart. He is the tick. You are the tock. So just talk to him with your heart and unlock all the treasures you will find waiting there. The greatest treasure is your Heavenly friend who is waiting for another great conversation.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Hearing God's Whispers
“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart. Wait! I say upon the Lord.” - Psalm 27:13-14
It’s one of those moments where my get up and go has got up and went. I want to write inspiring words but tonight I am tired. My spirit needs to rest. Suddenly I realize what is wrong. There I go trying to do everything with my own power again – thinking I am superwoman.
I need God to carry me for a little bit. I need Him to lift me up and cleft me inside His wing and breath His holy breath into my soul. I need to hear Him talk to me. I need to let go and let God.
I need spiritual nourishment to give me endurance to run this race so I can shoulder Johnny as he gets weaker and weaker. I am stopping to lay my head on the bible for a few minutes because I can’t find the right passage that speaks to me. I need to get quiet so I can hear God whisper in my ear. I’ll be back……………………………….
Aha! I knew if I would just hush up that chatter in my soul He would speak. I rested a minute or two (or three) and received inspiration for direction. A thought was planted while I rested, to pick up a scrapbook of Christian poetry and and prose I have. I started flipping through and Oila! I found the perfect poem to lead me into God’s sustenance. I love it when God surprises me like this.
Here’s the poem. I hope it will lead you into the solutions for your own problems as well:
Prescription for Your Need
By Dr. Sunshine
To be taken according to directions
Though you may view your work in tears,
And count it all in vain,
Psalm one two-six will calm your fears,
And make you sing again.
Though darkness shuts you in like night,
You need not go astray;
John 8:12 tells about a light
That turns your night to day.
Are you restless, ever restless,
Like the billows of the sea?
There is perfect peace and quiet
In Isaiah two six three.
When assailed by foes unnumbered,
And you know not what to do,
Flee oh flee to David’s fortress
Named in Psalm eighteen verse two.
When you’re sick be not discouraged,
Though no earthly help is nigh,;
In James five you’ll find a healer
Who can hear your faintest cry.
If there’s but little in your purse
Or maybe nothing which is worse!
Your God will help you in your need,
Psalm 37 find and read.
If those around you seem unkind,
In John 15 your help you’ll find.
So read of Christ the friend for aye;
For he is with you everyday.
Are you needing food or raiment?
Are you poor as poor can be?
Take ACCORDING TO DIRECTIONS
Matthew 6 verse 33.
Have you lost your faith in people?
In yourself and everything?
Take Mark ‘leven two and twenty,
It will make you shout and sing.
Are there strange conflicting signboards?
All along your upward way?
Take John 10 verse 27,
And you cannot go astray.
When death has claimed your loved ones,
And you are torn with grief,
1 Thessalonians 4 helps
And gives one great relief.
Do you often feel unhappy?
There’s a safe and certain cure,
Found in Proverbs 16:20
That will happiness insure.
Are you starting on a journey?
Does your heart sink with dismay?
Proverbs 3, verse 6 can strengthen,
And direct you on your way.
When you’re growing faint in heart,
And would a tonic find,
Psalm 27 can impart
New strength to heart and mind.
Are you oft inclined to worry?
Have you more than you can bear?
In 1 Peter 5, verse 7
There’s a balm for every care.
- Mrs. Clara S. Fisher.
I hope you will not only read this poem but let it lead you into the power of God’s answers for all our needs. Sometimes I get distracted and forget that my circumstances do not determine my joy! We all need strength for our own journey. If you need directions, just ask. God is always waiting to point the way to the power and the light.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
It’s one of those moments where my get up and go has got up and went. I want to write inspiring words but tonight I am tired. My spirit needs to rest. Suddenly I realize what is wrong. There I go trying to do everything with my own power again – thinking I am superwoman.
I need God to carry me for a little bit. I need Him to lift me up and cleft me inside His wing and breath His holy breath into my soul. I need to hear Him talk to me. I need to let go and let God.
I need spiritual nourishment to give me endurance to run this race so I can shoulder Johnny as he gets weaker and weaker. I am stopping to lay my head on the bible for a few minutes because I can’t find the right passage that speaks to me. I need to get quiet so I can hear God whisper in my ear. I’ll be back……………………………….
Aha! I knew if I would just hush up that chatter in my soul He would speak. I rested a minute or two (or three) and received inspiration for direction. A thought was planted while I rested, to pick up a scrapbook of Christian poetry and and prose I have. I started flipping through and Oila! I found the perfect poem to lead me into God’s sustenance. I love it when God surprises me like this.
Here’s the poem. I hope it will lead you into the solutions for your own problems as well:
Prescription for Your Need
By Dr. Sunshine
To be taken according to directions
Though you may view your work in tears,
And count it all in vain,
Psalm one two-six will calm your fears,
And make you sing again.
Though darkness shuts you in like night,
You need not go astray;
John 8:12 tells about a light
That turns your night to day.
Are you restless, ever restless,
Like the billows of the sea?
There is perfect peace and quiet
In Isaiah two six three.
When assailed by foes unnumbered,
And you know not what to do,
Flee oh flee to David’s fortress
Named in Psalm eighteen verse two.
When you’re sick be not discouraged,
Though no earthly help is nigh,;
In James five you’ll find a healer
Who can hear your faintest cry.
If there’s but little in your purse
Or maybe nothing which is worse!
Your God will help you in your need,
Psalm 37 find and read.
If those around you seem unkind,
In John 15 your help you’ll find.
So read of Christ the friend for aye;
For he is with you everyday.
Are you needing food or raiment?
Are you poor as poor can be?
Take ACCORDING TO DIRECTIONS
Matthew 6 verse 33.
Have you lost your faith in people?
In yourself and everything?
Take Mark ‘leven two and twenty,
It will make you shout and sing.
Are there strange conflicting signboards?
All along your upward way?
Take John 10 verse 27,
And you cannot go astray.
When death has claimed your loved ones,
And you are torn with grief,
1 Thessalonians 4 helps
And gives one great relief.
Do you often feel unhappy?
There’s a safe and certain cure,
Found in Proverbs 16:20
That will happiness insure.
Are you starting on a journey?
Does your heart sink with dismay?
Proverbs 3, verse 6 can strengthen,
And direct you on your way.
When you’re growing faint in heart,
And would a tonic find,
Psalm 27 can impart
New strength to heart and mind.
Are you oft inclined to worry?
Have you more than you can bear?
In 1 Peter 5, verse 7
There’s a balm for every care.
- Mrs. Clara S. Fisher.
I hope you will not only read this poem but let it lead you into the power of God’s answers for all our needs. Sometimes I get distracted and forget that my circumstances do not determine my joy! We all need strength for our own journey. If you need directions, just ask. God is always waiting to point the way to the power and the light.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The Sunshine of Your Love
“I AM the light of the world” - John 9:5
I read something interesting about sunshine today. I got an email which was extolling the need for sunshine and the following exerpt really caught my attention:
“Sunlight comes to us in a spectrum of both visible colors and shades we can't see. These different shades, called wavelengths, bring energy and stimulate life. Plants use certain wavelengths to produce food and energy. Animals use other wavelengths to remain healthy.”
It made me think about the sunshine of God’s love for us. His love also comes to us in a spectrum of colors. Just as faith is believing that which we cannot see, so is the “Son’s” light coming to us on wavelengths, bringing us energy and stimulating life in our souls. Plants need certain wavelengths to produce food and energy. So do we.
The light of God feeds our bodies and souls like nothing else on earth can. We would perish without this light. All that is left without the light is darkness.
Today on the way to Mayo it was a glorious sunny day. I recalled the song by Eric Clapton “ called “The Sunshine of Your Love.” I sang it to Johnny on the way to Mayo Clinic:
“I’m with you my love,
The light’s shining through on you.
Yes, I’m with you my love,
It’s the morning and just we two.
I’ll stay with you darling now,
I’ll stay with you till my seas are dried up.
I’ve been waiting so long
To be where I’m going
In the sunshine of your love.”
I built him a fire when I got back and kept it going 11 hours all day long as we watched inaugural events. Johnny loves watching a fire but he wasn’t feeling good today. I knew he needed some sunshine in his soul. I remember he used to fix a fire for me every night when I had to sleep on the couch during my breast cancer journey.
I used to drift in and out of sleep and seeing the light of that fire made me feel like the light of God was bathing me in healing power. It was so comforting. It dispelled the darkness of the valley I was in. It made me sleep better. Every time my eyes blinked open I would see the fire getting smaller and smaller until it faded into glowing embers.
Now it was my turn to bring light to Johnny. He slept a lot on the couch after a brief visit with company. He needed sleep so those healing hormones could kick in. And I believe the fire has wavelengths just like the sun. I watched him from my recliner as he slept on the couch. I sent him another kind of wavelength. I sent him love. I sent him prayer.
Thoughts are electro-magnetic waves of light that I believe can penetrate the soul. This must be true because prayers are thoughts from one soul to another and as God is my witness (she said shaking her fist in the air,) we can feel those prayers and cares coming at us from every corner!
Today our dear friend Rachel sent us the following email:
This morning, my co-worker Barbara came to me and said ‘Your friend and her dad and family were on my mind this weekend. I thought about them and said a special prayer for them because I was thinking of them.’ I just wanted to share that with you all, and let you know that people everywhere are thinking of Johnny and of you.
This weekend, as I was cleaning around the house, a hymn came into my head that also made me think of Johnny. It’s fitting, since his blog is called “Johnny’s Journey to Victory” and I wanted to share it with you. I know that you know it, and I’m sure the tune will come to mind as you sing.
This happens to us frequently. People write us and tell us of the many different instances throughout the day that they are thinking of us and praying for us. Now that is what I call some “Son-shine” for the soul! These are little miracles of God’s light. It is hard for us to fathom we are in so many people’s thoughts. It could only be God at work.
The hymn Rachel mentioned was perfectly apropos, considering that today Johnny made the front page of our local newspaper on the same page of Barak Obama’s headline “Long Road To Victory.” There they were, Johnny and Barack, side by side on the road to hope! It tickled Johnny. I want to share part of the hymn with you:
Victory in Jesus
I heard an old, old story,
How a Savior came from glory,
How He gave His life on Calvary
To save a wretch like me;
I heard about His groaning,
Of His precious blood’s atoning,
Then I repented of my sins
And won the victory.
O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood.
I heard about His healing,
Of His cleansing pow’r revealing.
How He made the lame to walk again
And caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, “Dear Jesus,
Come and heal my broken spirit,”
And somehow Jesus came and bro’t
To me the victory.
O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
I hope when you read this entry today you will think of putting a little “Sonshine” in your soul today. Plugging into the power of God’s love will help you bloom and grow like plants basking in the sunlight above. Just as much as we need the sun OUTSIDE, we need the Son INSIDE of us to grow deeper and deeper into the knowledge of our miracle making Lord. Flowers bloom only in the sunlight. We too need our source of light to color our worlds with blessings from above.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
I read something interesting about sunshine today. I got an email which was extolling the need for sunshine and the following exerpt really caught my attention:
“Sunlight comes to us in a spectrum of both visible colors and shades we can't see. These different shades, called wavelengths, bring energy and stimulate life. Plants use certain wavelengths to produce food and energy. Animals use other wavelengths to remain healthy.”
It made me think about the sunshine of God’s love for us. His love also comes to us in a spectrum of colors. Just as faith is believing that which we cannot see, so is the “Son’s” light coming to us on wavelengths, bringing us energy and stimulating life in our souls. Plants need certain wavelengths to produce food and energy. So do we.
The light of God feeds our bodies and souls like nothing else on earth can. We would perish without this light. All that is left without the light is darkness.
Today on the way to Mayo it was a glorious sunny day. I recalled the song by Eric Clapton “ called “The Sunshine of Your Love.” I sang it to Johnny on the way to Mayo Clinic:
“I’m with you my love,
The light’s shining through on you.
Yes, I’m with you my love,
It’s the morning and just we two.
I’ll stay with you darling now,
I’ll stay with you till my seas are dried up.
I’ve been waiting so long
To be where I’m going
In the sunshine of your love.”
I built him a fire when I got back and kept it going 11 hours all day long as we watched inaugural events. Johnny loves watching a fire but he wasn’t feeling good today. I knew he needed some sunshine in his soul. I remember he used to fix a fire for me every night when I had to sleep on the couch during my breast cancer journey.
I used to drift in and out of sleep and seeing the light of that fire made me feel like the light of God was bathing me in healing power. It was so comforting. It dispelled the darkness of the valley I was in. It made me sleep better. Every time my eyes blinked open I would see the fire getting smaller and smaller until it faded into glowing embers.
Now it was my turn to bring light to Johnny. He slept a lot on the couch after a brief visit with company. He needed sleep so those healing hormones could kick in. And I believe the fire has wavelengths just like the sun. I watched him from my recliner as he slept on the couch. I sent him another kind of wavelength. I sent him love. I sent him prayer.
Thoughts are electro-magnetic waves of light that I believe can penetrate the soul. This must be true because prayers are thoughts from one soul to another and as God is my witness (she said shaking her fist in the air,) we can feel those prayers and cares coming at us from every corner!
Today our dear friend Rachel sent us the following email:
This morning, my co-worker Barbara came to me and said ‘Your friend and her dad and family were on my mind this weekend. I thought about them and said a special prayer for them because I was thinking of them.’ I just wanted to share that with you all, and let you know that people everywhere are thinking of Johnny and of you.
This weekend, as I was cleaning around the house, a hymn came into my head that also made me think of Johnny. It’s fitting, since his blog is called “Johnny’s Journey to Victory” and I wanted to share it with you. I know that you know it, and I’m sure the tune will come to mind as you sing.
This happens to us frequently. People write us and tell us of the many different instances throughout the day that they are thinking of us and praying for us. Now that is what I call some “Son-shine” for the soul! These are little miracles of God’s light. It is hard for us to fathom we are in so many people’s thoughts. It could only be God at work.
The hymn Rachel mentioned was perfectly apropos, considering that today Johnny made the front page of our local newspaper on the same page of Barak Obama’s headline “Long Road To Victory.” There they were, Johnny and Barack, side by side on the road to hope! It tickled Johnny. I want to share part of the hymn with you:
Victory in Jesus
I heard an old, old story,
How a Savior came from glory,
How He gave His life on Calvary
To save a wretch like me;
I heard about His groaning,
Of His precious blood’s atoning,
Then I repented of my sins
And won the victory.
O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood.
I heard about His healing,
Of His cleansing pow’r revealing.
How He made the lame to walk again
And caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, “Dear Jesus,
Come and heal my broken spirit,”
And somehow Jesus came and bro’t
To me the victory.
O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
I hope when you read this entry today you will think of putting a little “Sonshine” in your soul today. Plugging into the power of God’s love will help you bloom and grow like plants basking in the sunlight above. Just as much as we need the sun OUTSIDE, we need the Son INSIDE of us to grow deeper and deeper into the knowledge of our miracle making Lord. Flowers bloom only in the sunlight. We too need our source of light to color our worlds with blessings from above.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Johnny Made Front Page News!
This morning we opened The Florida Times Union local newspaper in Jacksonville, Florida and on the bottom right corner they featured a promotion for Johnny's Journey To Victory blog that appears on the Jacksonville.com website. Woo hoo! My darlin was right there on the FRONT PAGE with Barack Obama on Inaugural Day bringing the same message - HOPE IS ON THE WAY!
I was so excited to have Johnny honored in this way. I consider it another victory for God. I know it can only be God that opened the doors for us to reach so many more people with the good news that JESUS IS LORD and GOD RULES!
Never forget:
"And this is the victory that has overcome the world - OUR FAITH" - 1 John 5:4
I was so excited to have Johnny honored in this way. I consider it another victory for God. I know it can only be God that opened the doors for us to reach so many more people with the good news that JESUS IS LORD and GOD RULES!
Never forget:
"And this is the victory that has overcome the world - OUR FAITH" - 1 John 5:4
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Beauty of Doing What You Love
“Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish the work of our hands.” - Psalm 90:17
Sometimes it takes a slap in the face to stop us from spinning at breakneck speed through our lives and missing what is important. That is what this journey through Johnny’s cancer has done for us. We have learned the beauty of stopping to smell the roses.
We have found our entire life to be put on hold, as we struggle to make it through each day. Our priorities have changed. Our activities have changed. Our love has changed. The lense through which we look at life has changed. Despite the horrible circumstances which have caused this change, I know I like this view of life better.
We have returned to simplicity. It is all about getting back to the basics of things that really matter in your life. We have found the moments that count, are the sum total of all the little moments. It is the little moments we realized, that got left behind in our race through life to make money, pay our bills, keep crazy schedules and give priority to that which was really unimportant.
Our awareness of what is left, when all the rest is stripped away, is a joy to behold. My writing is a good example of this. I have wanted to write with unbridled pleasure all my life. I never took the time because I was always too busy. I now believe that what I kept inside by not releasing it, was destroying a little piece of my soul every day. Now I do write everyday. I don’t HAVE the time – I MAKE the time, because I have realized how important it is to me.
Here’s another example. Johnny and I are getting to know each other and appreciate things about each other, that we never took the time to know. When you are given a deadline to do it, you don’t waste a minute on other things that don’t matter.
This is what has brought our family closer together. This is where we drew the line in the sand, by turning to God instead of our own power to solve situations. This is what has breathed life into our spirits, despite the physical health problems we encounter. This is what has brought the beauty back into our everyday living – into every moment.
It didn’t have to be this way to get to where we are now. We could have figured this out a long time ago, by making the choice to put God first in our lives. One thing leads to another. Once your list of priorities is in right order, everything else starts falling in place. Once you seek Him with all your heart you will also find what you were born to do.
My suggestion to each of you is to make a “divine appointment” with God. Schedule Him into your life and into your appointment book. Start prioritizing what really counts, the same as you would any other appointment. Be determined to make the right turn – which is always, back to Him, to discover what your true goals should be. Make your spiritual goals as important as your financial, business or pastime goals. Don’t wait until catastrophe hits to be backed in a corner and finally “get it.” You can start this today.
It is never too late to be what you were meant to be. You will discover the beautiful truths you are searching for in the little moments. God designed our lives to be pretty simple. Somewhere along the way, through all the wonders of modern technology, and the way our lives have changed because of it – we have lost the lifeline that matters most. That is the connection to God, and to each other, and to the gifts we each were given.
I notice the younger generation would rather email, text, twitter or facebook, than even pick up the phone to visit or talk. I think we need a little less Blackberry and a little more one to one living in our lives. We start by slowing down. We start by truly looking at what is in front of us.
My question to you today is this. Are you doing what you truly love in life? What about your job? Are you working to fulfill your purpose or to simply pay your bills? I read a book a long time ago with the message “do what you love and money will follow.” I wish I had paid more attention to it then. I am paying attention now. I don't think I have ever been this happy as I am now writing everyday. I wake up each morning with a heart filled with joy and the anticipation of doing what I love.
This is what we have tried to teach Scarlett about life. Johnny never got the chance to be the wonderful history teacher he could have been, or the great coach I think he was destined to be. Working to make a paycheck got in the way. His passions were squeezed into spaces left in between appointments. I think passion should come first. I think this is where our happiness lies.
Though I know you can’t just up and quit your job, you CAN start seeking that which you love, and turn in the direction that honors your soul. This is part of what we were being taught, when we are told to love our neighbors AS OURSELF. It all flows from there. Being true to you. It leads us to the life of our dreams that God intended when He created us. I believe the purpose of living is to manifest our unique gift.
We are each different blueprints of God’s love. We were each born to be beautiful glimpses of Gods power and might. My prayer for you is that you will look in the mirror and see how wonderfully made you are, and start on the path today to your true destiny – just do it. I hope you can find the real life God intended for you.
Don’t look back at the end of your life and say I “would of, could of, should of.” You can find the “beauty of the Lord” by finding what it is you really love to do. They say your gift lies in that which you can spend hours doing and not realize so much time has passed until you suddenly you look up. I believe this is the work God wants to establish your hands to do.
They also say that a man who loves what he is doing never works a day in his life. My wish for each of you today is to have the courage to follow your heart to the happiness of doing what you really love.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Sometimes it takes a slap in the face to stop us from spinning at breakneck speed through our lives and missing what is important. That is what this journey through Johnny’s cancer has done for us. We have learned the beauty of stopping to smell the roses.
We have found our entire life to be put on hold, as we struggle to make it through each day. Our priorities have changed. Our activities have changed. Our love has changed. The lense through which we look at life has changed. Despite the horrible circumstances which have caused this change, I know I like this view of life better.
We have returned to simplicity. It is all about getting back to the basics of things that really matter in your life. We have found the moments that count, are the sum total of all the little moments. It is the little moments we realized, that got left behind in our race through life to make money, pay our bills, keep crazy schedules and give priority to that which was really unimportant.
Our awareness of what is left, when all the rest is stripped away, is a joy to behold. My writing is a good example of this. I have wanted to write with unbridled pleasure all my life. I never took the time because I was always too busy. I now believe that what I kept inside by not releasing it, was destroying a little piece of my soul every day. Now I do write everyday. I don’t HAVE the time – I MAKE the time, because I have realized how important it is to me.
Here’s another example. Johnny and I are getting to know each other and appreciate things about each other, that we never took the time to know. When you are given a deadline to do it, you don’t waste a minute on other things that don’t matter.
This is what has brought our family closer together. This is where we drew the line in the sand, by turning to God instead of our own power to solve situations. This is what has breathed life into our spirits, despite the physical health problems we encounter. This is what has brought the beauty back into our everyday living – into every moment.
It didn’t have to be this way to get to where we are now. We could have figured this out a long time ago, by making the choice to put God first in our lives. One thing leads to another. Once your list of priorities is in right order, everything else starts falling in place. Once you seek Him with all your heart you will also find what you were born to do.
My suggestion to each of you is to make a “divine appointment” with God. Schedule Him into your life and into your appointment book. Start prioritizing what really counts, the same as you would any other appointment. Be determined to make the right turn – which is always, back to Him, to discover what your true goals should be. Make your spiritual goals as important as your financial, business or pastime goals. Don’t wait until catastrophe hits to be backed in a corner and finally “get it.” You can start this today.
It is never too late to be what you were meant to be. You will discover the beautiful truths you are searching for in the little moments. God designed our lives to be pretty simple. Somewhere along the way, through all the wonders of modern technology, and the way our lives have changed because of it – we have lost the lifeline that matters most. That is the connection to God, and to each other, and to the gifts we each were given.
I notice the younger generation would rather email, text, twitter or facebook, than even pick up the phone to visit or talk. I think we need a little less Blackberry and a little more one to one living in our lives. We start by slowing down. We start by truly looking at what is in front of us.
My question to you today is this. Are you doing what you truly love in life? What about your job? Are you working to fulfill your purpose or to simply pay your bills? I read a book a long time ago with the message “do what you love and money will follow.” I wish I had paid more attention to it then. I am paying attention now. I don't think I have ever been this happy as I am now writing everyday. I wake up each morning with a heart filled with joy and the anticipation of doing what I love.
This is what we have tried to teach Scarlett about life. Johnny never got the chance to be the wonderful history teacher he could have been, or the great coach I think he was destined to be. Working to make a paycheck got in the way. His passions were squeezed into spaces left in between appointments. I think passion should come first. I think this is where our happiness lies.
Though I know you can’t just up and quit your job, you CAN start seeking that which you love, and turn in the direction that honors your soul. This is part of what we were being taught, when we are told to love our neighbors AS OURSELF. It all flows from there. Being true to you. It leads us to the life of our dreams that God intended when He created us. I believe the purpose of living is to manifest our unique gift.
We are each different blueprints of God’s love. We were each born to be beautiful glimpses of Gods power and might. My prayer for you is that you will look in the mirror and see how wonderfully made you are, and start on the path today to your true destiny – just do it. I hope you can find the real life God intended for you.
Don’t look back at the end of your life and say I “would of, could of, should of.” You can find the “beauty of the Lord” by finding what it is you really love to do. They say your gift lies in that which you can spend hours doing and not realize so much time has passed until you suddenly you look up. I believe this is the work God wants to establish your hands to do.
They also say that a man who loves what he is doing never works a day in his life. My wish for each of you today is to have the courage to follow your heart to the happiness of doing what you really love.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Don't Let Clouds Get In Your Way
“Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” - Matthew 5:16
I have a confession – one of my all time favorite movies is “Pollyanna,” starring Hayley Mills. I saw it when I growing up, and it left an indelible impression on my young girl’s heart. Pollyanna’s parents taught her to play “THE GLAD GAME” of life and it looked so simple! Just find the good in every situation and take your focus off the bad. Keep your eye on the light.
Pollyanna’s parents were missionaries who died. Pollyanna had to go live with her Aunt that she never knew, and move to a strange town she’d never been to. Now there’s a possible “bad cloud situation” that would be hard to deal with, but Pollyanna knew what to do, because she knew the “Glad Game,” and how to handle life.
In the movie, Pollyanna arrives in town and changes lives wherever she goes. She lights up the life of everyone in the town, by teaching them “The Glad Game.” Then she falls from a high tree and is never supposed to walk again. She stumbles in her faith. Her light goes out briefly. But the people that she touched with “The Glad Game,” return the favor and relight the candle of her soul.
Folks – it doesn’t get any better than that! How simple can it be? LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN EVERY SITUATION and the good will come back to you. Johnny and I been put to the test with this cancer journey. God says He makes everything work together for good if we love Him. We know it’s all about how you choose your handle for tomorrow. One of my favorite quotes is:
“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.” - Henry Ward Beecher.
Johnny and I have chosen the handle of faith in this current challenge. It has not been an easy path – it has taken grace and we have prayed for courage. Courage does not mean that you are not afraid. It is being afraid and doing it anyway. When we step out in faith, there is always a risk. We have found it is worth the risk. We believe if we fall that God will catch us.
The rewards we have found from doing this have been indescribable. We have discovered the truth of what Paul reveals to us in the bible, that suffering is a great opportunity to show others the reflection of God’s power inside you. When we do it for His sake, our weakness becomes strength and we always triumph.
By turning to God in our “tribulation” we receive comfort from Him, and in turn, are able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort we have received. We now have a purpose driven life. There is a purpose in our battle.
Writing this blog has become a such a blessing to us in so many ways. It has:
1. Enabled me to reach out and touch the world in doing what I love most – writing.
2. Allowed us to inspire others by sharing our faith through our trials.
3. Connected us with hearts all over the country, who shower us with the light of hope and prayers, and inspire us in return, with their cards and letters and packages and calls and emails and visits.
It has humbled us, when we see how God has touched lives through us, for those who are in need of faith. This is the gladness described by an unknown author when we read:
“You can’t light a candle
to show others the way,
Without feeling the warmth
of that bright little ray.
And you cant give a rose
all fragrant with dew,
Without some of its sweetness
remaining on you.”
Whatever storm you face – try to think “What’s GOOD about this? I invite each of you to play “The Glad Game” in your own life. Look with an expectant heart for the good that is to be found in all things. Think on that which is noble, just, pure, lovely and of any good report. Plug in to the goodness of God.
Do all this and God will be with you, and you will be able to handle life with the right handle – the handle of faith. My wish for you is, that your clouds become “ice cream castles in the sky,” that bring you joy and dreams come true, as the dark clouds disappear.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
I have a confession – one of my all time favorite movies is “Pollyanna,” starring Hayley Mills. I saw it when I growing up, and it left an indelible impression on my young girl’s heart. Pollyanna’s parents taught her to play “THE GLAD GAME” of life and it looked so simple! Just find the good in every situation and take your focus off the bad. Keep your eye on the light.
Pollyanna’s parents were missionaries who died. Pollyanna had to go live with her Aunt that she never knew, and move to a strange town she’d never been to. Now there’s a possible “bad cloud situation” that would be hard to deal with, but Pollyanna knew what to do, because she knew the “Glad Game,” and how to handle life.
In the movie, Pollyanna arrives in town and changes lives wherever she goes. She lights up the life of everyone in the town, by teaching them “The Glad Game.” Then she falls from a high tree and is never supposed to walk again. She stumbles in her faith. Her light goes out briefly. But the people that she touched with “The Glad Game,” return the favor and relight the candle of her soul.
Folks – it doesn’t get any better than that! How simple can it be? LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN EVERY SITUATION and the good will come back to you. Johnny and I been put to the test with this cancer journey. God says He makes everything work together for good if we love Him. We know it’s all about how you choose your handle for tomorrow. One of my favorite quotes is:
“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.” - Henry Ward Beecher.
Johnny and I have chosen the handle of faith in this current challenge. It has not been an easy path – it has taken grace and we have prayed for courage. Courage does not mean that you are not afraid. It is being afraid and doing it anyway. When we step out in faith, there is always a risk. We have found it is worth the risk. We believe if we fall that God will catch us.
The rewards we have found from doing this have been indescribable. We have discovered the truth of what Paul reveals to us in the bible, that suffering is a great opportunity to show others the reflection of God’s power inside you. When we do it for His sake, our weakness becomes strength and we always triumph.
By turning to God in our “tribulation” we receive comfort from Him, and in turn, are able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort we have received. We now have a purpose driven life. There is a purpose in our battle.
Writing this blog has become a such a blessing to us in so many ways. It has:
1. Enabled me to reach out and touch the world in doing what I love most – writing.
2. Allowed us to inspire others by sharing our faith through our trials.
3. Connected us with hearts all over the country, who shower us with the light of hope and prayers, and inspire us in return, with their cards and letters and packages and calls and emails and visits.
It has humbled us, when we see how God has touched lives through us, for those who are in need of faith. This is the gladness described by an unknown author when we read:
“You can’t light a candle
to show others the way,
Without feeling the warmth
of that bright little ray.
And you cant give a rose
all fragrant with dew,
Without some of its sweetness
remaining on you.”
Whatever storm you face – try to think “What’s GOOD about this? I invite each of you to play “The Glad Game” in your own life. Look with an expectant heart for the good that is to be found in all things. Think on that which is noble, just, pure, lovely and of any good report. Plug in to the goodness of God.
Do all this and God will be with you, and you will be able to handle life with the right handle – the handle of faith. My wish for you is, that your clouds become “ice cream castles in the sky,” that bring you joy and dreams come true, as the dark clouds disappear.
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
The ABC's of Hope
“But sanctify the Lord in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you” - 1 Peter 3:15
I’ve had several inquiries about my speaking program “The ABC’s of Hope” so I thought I’d give you a “sneak peek” of the message I want to share with folks everywhere. It is all about holding on to hope in a hopeless situation. I learned many lessons during my own battle with cancer. Hope is more than wishful thinking. It is an indispensable weapon for soul survival.
Hope is not contingent on getting the outcome you want in a situation. Hope is all about putting your trust in a power greater than you, to help you get through dire circumstances. When I was near death in the hospital during Christmas week 2004, I discovered that it did not matter whether I lived or died. We all must go one day. It mattered that I felt the presence of God, not only touching my heart, but filling my entire body and soul with a nearness that is indescribable. I knew everything would be allright, no matter what, because HE was there.
That’s victory folks! That is moving beyond fear of anything that confronts you. That is a power no man, no money, no things can give you. It is an anchor for our souls that can secure us through any storm. How do we cross the bridge to hope? We look at the anchor. We look at that which we put our trust in. We look at our Lord through new eyes – the eyes of KNOWING.
When you say you trust God my first question to you is this. Who is your God to you? Really. If I were standing in front of you right now and asked you this question would you be able to immediately respond in full? Would you be able to describe Him and everything you KNOW to be true about Him and what He does on a day to day basis for you right off the cuff? I can.
A long time ago I took Karate. One of the most important things we spent time on during each session was learning “katas” (I think that is the right name) which were choreographed fight movements. We practiced them over and over and over and over. The purpose for all the repetition was to implant them in our memory, so in the event of an unexpected fight encounter, we would not THINK but REACT automatically, with power no matter which way we were attacked. We had rehearsed every possible situation. We KNEW what to do in a way that went deeper than thinking.
I thought about this when I was reflecting on hope one day. I decided to make a list of what I KNEW God to be and all the reasons I should trust him. I also decided to imprint this upon my mind – to etch it indelibly – so in any moment of crisis I would be prepared to face the circumstance with a calm assurance of power.
I went through the alphabet and created my “hope prayer” which reminded me of everything God does for me each day. I wanted God to know how much I appreciate Him everyday. I also wanted to be prepared with an answer to anyone who asked me how I could be so hopeful. So I remembered my lessons from Karate and decided to memorize the prayer. I now recite it by heart every morning of my life or in any moment of crisis.
The ABC’s of Hope
Thank You Lord for:
Always being available to me every second, every minute, every hour, every day of my life. You are always on time no matter what time I call you. And You always answer all prayer.
Blessing me with beauty in all I see hear and touch and feel. Your beauty is everywhere and in everyone.
Comforting me with compassion when I make mistakes. Your understanding and forgiveness get me up off my knees when I am knocked down.
Designing my dreams according to Your divine plan for my life, which is always perfect for my true heart’s desire. You alone know what makes me happy, and what I was born to do.
Expecting excellence in all I say and do bringing me to my very best potential to serve you in all things great and small.
Freshening the foundation of my heart with your unconditional love and power. With You, I can do all things
Giving me grace to get through the day to handle every problem, obstacle or situation with Your divine solution.
Helping me to heal when my heart, my body or my spirit is broken. Your love is the best medicine I could ever take.
Instilling integrity in my soul to always do the right thing, at the right time, at the right place. I do unto others as I would have them do to me.
Jumpstarting my joy, with laughter and music. You keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
Kindling Your kindness in me, to remind me of how to treat each person I meet, knowing each one is my neighbor.
Lifting me with love and showing me why I was created, to simply love and be loved.
Making miracles that appear each day that I can see when I look with an expectant heart
Never needing anything – because you provide me with prosperity and abundance
Overseeing the Outcome of my life – and reminding me that You are the one in control
Providing me with that peace that surpasses all understanding
Quenching my soul with quietness so I can hear your voice and direction in the stillness.
Restoring my righteousness when I lose sight of the truth. You are the beacon of light my soul follows.
Strengthening my spirit when I am weak by carrying me on your shoulders. It is at these moments that I see one set of footprints in the sand.
Teaching me to trust You that all is well all the time, even when I cannot see the light in the darkness.
Unveiling my universe and showing me the magnitude of how great Thou art when I look up at the stars or across the ocean. Your magnificence takes my breath away.
Visualizing my victory, which gives me the courage to fight for the truth.
Washing me in wisdom each morning as I set out to do Your will each day and spread Your amazing grace everywhere
Yanking out my yesterdays, to make room for my tomorrows, that are filled with your promises for today.
Zapping me with the zeal for life I know in living each day according to your will.
I am excited about the possibility of speaking to groups of any size and bringing hope to hearts that need it. I look forward to sharing a message that will help others to renew their power and faith, and to understand what God means when He tells us that nothing is impossible if we KNOW Him and TRUST Him.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
I’ve had several inquiries about my speaking program “The ABC’s of Hope” so I thought I’d give you a “sneak peek” of the message I want to share with folks everywhere. It is all about holding on to hope in a hopeless situation. I learned many lessons during my own battle with cancer. Hope is more than wishful thinking. It is an indispensable weapon for soul survival.
Hope is not contingent on getting the outcome you want in a situation. Hope is all about putting your trust in a power greater than you, to help you get through dire circumstances. When I was near death in the hospital during Christmas week 2004, I discovered that it did not matter whether I lived or died. We all must go one day. It mattered that I felt the presence of God, not only touching my heart, but filling my entire body and soul with a nearness that is indescribable. I knew everything would be allright, no matter what, because HE was there.
That’s victory folks! That is moving beyond fear of anything that confronts you. That is a power no man, no money, no things can give you. It is an anchor for our souls that can secure us through any storm. How do we cross the bridge to hope? We look at the anchor. We look at that which we put our trust in. We look at our Lord through new eyes – the eyes of KNOWING.
When you say you trust God my first question to you is this. Who is your God to you? Really. If I were standing in front of you right now and asked you this question would you be able to immediately respond in full? Would you be able to describe Him and everything you KNOW to be true about Him and what He does on a day to day basis for you right off the cuff? I can.
A long time ago I took Karate. One of the most important things we spent time on during each session was learning “katas” (I think that is the right name) which were choreographed fight movements. We practiced them over and over and over and over. The purpose for all the repetition was to implant them in our memory, so in the event of an unexpected fight encounter, we would not THINK but REACT automatically, with power no matter which way we were attacked. We had rehearsed every possible situation. We KNEW what to do in a way that went deeper than thinking.
I thought about this when I was reflecting on hope one day. I decided to make a list of what I KNEW God to be and all the reasons I should trust him. I also decided to imprint this upon my mind – to etch it indelibly – so in any moment of crisis I would be prepared to face the circumstance with a calm assurance of power.
I went through the alphabet and created my “hope prayer” which reminded me of everything God does for me each day. I wanted God to know how much I appreciate Him everyday. I also wanted to be prepared with an answer to anyone who asked me how I could be so hopeful. So I remembered my lessons from Karate and decided to memorize the prayer. I now recite it by heart every morning of my life or in any moment of crisis.
The ABC’s of Hope
Thank You Lord for:
Always being available to me every second, every minute, every hour, every day of my life. You are always on time no matter what time I call you. And You always answer all prayer.
Blessing me with beauty in all I see hear and touch and feel. Your beauty is everywhere and in everyone.
Comforting me with compassion when I make mistakes. Your understanding and forgiveness get me up off my knees when I am knocked down.
Designing my dreams according to Your divine plan for my life, which is always perfect for my true heart’s desire. You alone know what makes me happy, and what I was born to do.
Expecting excellence in all I say and do bringing me to my very best potential to serve you in all things great and small.
Freshening the foundation of my heart with your unconditional love and power. With You, I can do all things
Giving me grace to get through the day to handle every problem, obstacle or situation with Your divine solution.
Helping me to heal when my heart, my body or my spirit is broken. Your love is the best medicine I could ever take.
Instilling integrity in my soul to always do the right thing, at the right time, at the right place. I do unto others as I would have them do to me.
Jumpstarting my joy, with laughter and music. You keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
Kindling Your kindness in me, to remind me of how to treat each person I meet, knowing each one is my neighbor.
Lifting me with love and showing me why I was created, to simply love and be loved.
Making miracles that appear each day that I can see when I look with an expectant heart
Never needing anything – because you provide me with prosperity and abundance
Overseeing the Outcome of my life – and reminding me that You are the one in control
Providing me with that peace that surpasses all understanding
Quenching my soul with quietness so I can hear your voice and direction in the stillness.
Restoring my righteousness when I lose sight of the truth. You are the beacon of light my soul follows.
Strengthening my spirit when I am weak by carrying me on your shoulders. It is at these moments that I see one set of footprints in the sand.
Teaching me to trust You that all is well all the time, even when I cannot see the light in the darkness.
Unveiling my universe and showing me the magnitude of how great Thou art when I look up at the stars or across the ocean. Your magnificence takes my breath away.
Visualizing my victory, which gives me the courage to fight for the truth.
Washing me in wisdom each morning as I set out to do Your will each day and spread Your amazing grace everywhere
Yanking out my yesterdays, to make room for my tomorrows, that are filled with your promises for today.
Zapping me with the zeal for life I know in living each day according to your will.
I am excited about the possibility of speaking to groups of any size and bringing hope to hearts that need it. I look forward to sharing a message that will help others to renew their power and faith, and to understand what God means when He tells us that nothing is impossible if we KNOW Him and TRUST Him.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Resurrection of Rene Williams
“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, And Your right hand will save me. The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy endures forever; do not forsake the work of Your hands.” - Psalm 138:7-8
It is never too late to make a comeback. We all get detoured in our walk in life. We make mistakes. We get discouraged. We give up. We don’t believe we have the power to be what we used to be. We believe we are beyond redemption. But we forget too often, that there is a greater power that can raise us from the deadness of our own self-destruction.
Tonight I realized that by the grace of God I am coming back to life. I have spent the last ten years spiraling down into a cave of hiding from myself, of punishing myself for mistakes made, and building walls to keep me from facing the insurmountable challenge of picking up the pieces and starting over again.
Though I beat cancer 5 years ago, I have been unable to beat the voices in my head that continued to tell me my best years were over. It is a living hell to be stuck in a place you can’t get out of. It is frightening to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself anymore. Where did the power and pizaaz go?
Johnny has always taken such good care of me that it has been easy to hide. I have been allowed to prolong my stay in the comfort zone for too long. But everything changed last year, when Johnny received the prognosis of terminal stage 4 lung cancer and given one year to live. My world was turned upside down. It was time to come out of my cave and back into the light – because the love of my life needed me.
This past year has been a slow journey back to myself, as Johnny has battled for his life. My life has been through a transition of growing in grace, but only because I allowed God to step in and show me the way. I have gone through all the stages of denial, anger, walking forward, taking three steps back ward, getting up from my knees, and somehow have kept moving in my spirit. It could only be grace.
Tonight we watched the premier episode of “Friday Night Lights” on TV. The coach was trying to help an injured player named “Smash” make a comeback after an injury that sideswiped his life. He was giving up because he didn’t believe he could do it. Coach finally told “Smash,” his destiny was waiting in front of him, and that he would do everything he could to help him, until he achieved his dream, but “Smash” had TO WANT IT. Coach said the only thing he couldn’t do for him is MAKE HIM WANT IT.
My heavenly coach has been patiently waiting for me to get over myself this past year. He has been waiting for me to allow Him to call the gameplan and make the plays He tells me too. I saw my time was running out as I watched Johnny grow weaker and weaker. I realized I had no choice, but to step up to the plate and change positions with Johnny. It was a 2 minute warning and I grabbed the ball just in time.
If you had told me a year ago I would be in charge of our lives, I never would have believed it. But tonight Johnny smiled at me from where he lay on the couch as he watched me tending the fire, adding new logs, doing what he used to do. I patiently follow his instructions, not only in firetending, but in tending to our lives in all areas. He has spent the last year teaching me how to be strong and unafraid of any situation.
After I placed the screen back in place he told me how proud he was of me for becoming strong again. He told me we really have made a good team during our life. I agreed but now I realize what its like to be the quarterback. I have always been the woman behind the successful man. He always made it look easy. Now it is my turn to take the lead.
Now I take care of him. I handle all business. I finally understand our investments. I battle the insurance company. I handle our legal affairs. I plunge the toilets. I change the water cooler. I turn on the all the faucets outside on freezing nights. I haul in all the potted flowers to save them from the freeze. I take out the garbage. I kill the fire ants. I turn on the lights outside at night. I turn them off at morningtime. I lock up to secure the house. I build fires. I keep track of all medical appointments. I take him to Mayo Clinic every week. I barbecue on the grill. I do all the endless things he used to do that I took for granted.
The only thing I don’t do is hold the remote. I will never ever take that away from him.
We all have a moment of reckoning when we have to make a decision to sink or swim in life. Only we can choose for ourselves. Our friends and family can support us and encourage us to be everything we were meant to be, but they cannot do it for us.
The first step is the hardest and the scariest. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other. But here’s a secret. Once we decide we WANT to, we CANNOT do it with our own human power. Trust me. It is a futile effort no matter how much you want it, unless you let God in, to help you pave the way with HIS power.
Only HE can revive you. Only HE can save you from your greatest enemy – which is always yourself. Only HE can take our weakness and make it strength. We must surrender ourselves. The moment I did this and decided to trust God to do the impossible, I could feel mountains move in my spirit. That peace that surpasses all understanding filled me with an indescribable hope that I could conquer anything.
What is your mountain? I am here to tell you that when you allow the grace to flow, there is nothing that can happen that you and God can’t handle together. Living a life without fear is a heaven on earth. I wish each of you the joy of resurrection, through the power of He who was resurrected for us so many years ago. If I can do it you can do it to. So run don’t walk, to the blessings that are waiting for you. Say YES to God and begin to live the life of your dreams.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
It is never too late to make a comeback. We all get detoured in our walk in life. We make mistakes. We get discouraged. We give up. We don’t believe we have the power to be what we used to be. We believe we are beyond redemption. But we forget too often, that there is a greater power that can raise us from the deadness of our own self-destruction.
Tonight I realized that by the grace of God I am coming back to life. I have spent the last ten years spiraling down into a cave of hiding from myself, of punishing myself for mistakes made, and building walls to keep me from facing the insurmountable challenge of picking up the pieces and starting over again.
Though I beat cancer 5 years ago, I have been unable to beat the voices in my head that continued to tell me my best years were over. It is a living hell to be stuck in a place you can’t get out of. It is frightening to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself anymore. Where did the power and pizaaz go?
Johnny has always taken such good care of me that it has been easy to hide. I have been allowed to prolong my stay in the comfort zone for too long. But everything changed last year, when Johnny received the prognosis of terminal stage 4 lung cancer and given one year to live. My world was turned upside down. It was time to come out of my cave and back into the light – because the love of my life needed me.
This past year has been a slow journey back to myself, as Johnny has battled for his life. My life has been through a transition of growing in grace, but only because I allowed God to step in and show me the way. I have gone through all the stages of denial, anger, walking forward, taking three steps back ward, getting up from my knees, and somehow have kept moving in my spirit. It could only be grace.
Tonight we watched the premier episode of “Friday Night Lights” on TV. The coach was trying to help an injured player named “Smash” make a comeback after an injury that sideswiped his life. He was giving up because he didn’t believe he could do it. Coach finally told “Smash,” his destiny was waiting in front of him, and that he would do everything he could to help him, until he achieved his dream, but “Smash” had TO WANT IT. Coach said the only thing he couldn’t do for him is MAKE HIM WANT IT.
My heavenly coach has been patiently waiting for me to get over myself this past year. He has been waiting for me to allow Him to call the gameplan and make the plays He tells me too. I saw my time was running out as I watched Johnny grow weaker and weaker. I realized I had no choice, but to step up to the plate and change positions with Johnny. It was a 2 minute warning and I grabbed the ball just in time.
If you had told me a year ago I would be in charge of our lives, I never would have believed it. But tonight Johnny smiled at me from where he lay on the couch as he watched me tending the fire, adding new logs, doing what he used to do. I patiently follow his instructions, not only in firetending, but in tending to our lives in all areas. He has spent the last year teaching me how to be strong and unafraid of any situation.
After I placed the screen back in place he told me how proud he was of me for becoming strong again. He told me we really have made a good team during our life. I agreed but now I realize what its like to be the quarterback. I have always been the woman behind the successful man. He always made it look easy. Now it is my turn to take the lead.
Now I take care of him. I handle all business. I finally understand our investments. I battle the insurance company. I handle our legal affairs. I plunge the toilets. I change the water cooler. I turn on the all the faucets outside on freezing nights. I haul in all the potted flowers to save them from the freeze. I take out the garbage. I kill the fire ants. I turn on the lights outside at night. I turn them off at morningtime. I lock up to secure the house. I build fires. I keep track of all medical appointments. I take him to Mayo Clinic every week. I barbecue on the grill. I do all the endless things he used to do that I took for granted.
The only thing I don’t do is hold the remote. I will never ever take that away from him.
We all have a moment of reckoning when we have to make a decision to sink or swim in life. Only we can choose for ourselves. Our friends and family can support us and encourage us to be everything we were meant to be, but they cannot do it for us.
The first step is the hardest and the scariest. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other. But here’s a secret. Once we decide we WANT to, we CANNOT do it with our own human power. Trust me. It is a futile effort no matter how much you want it, unless you let God in, to help you pave the way with HIS power.
Only HE can revive you. Only HE can save you from your greatest enemy – which is always yourself. Only HE can take our weakness and make it strength. We must surrender ourselves. The moment I did this and decided to trust God to do the impossible, I could feel mountains move in my spirit. That peace that surpasses all understanding filled me with an indescribable hope that I could conquer anything.
What is your mountain? I am here to tell you that when you allow the grace to flow, there is nothing that can happen that you and God can’t handle together. Living a life without fear is a heaven on earth. I wish each of you the joy of resurrection, through the power of He who was resurrected for us so many years ago. If I can do it you can do it to. So run don’t walk, to the blessings that are waiting for you. Say YES to God and begin to live the life of your dreams.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
Friday, January 16, 2009
Counting The Blessings of Friendship
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” - Proverbs 17:17
One of the treasures you discover in a crisis situation, is the crowning jewels of friendship. I was reflecting this morning, with a heart full of gratitude, on the joy our friends have brought to us during our current trials. You never really understand the value of friends sometimes, until your world is turned upside down. When the dust settles, your true friends are the ones left standing beside you no matter what.
I wish I could express to each of them, just how much their friendship means. But words cannot describe the magnitude of what I want to convey. It is more than I could ever say. Friends become “brothers” in every sense of the word in times of trouble. They are more valuable than any precious stone. When the going gets tough, your friends get going to rally by your side and share the journey.
I came across a beautiful poem this morning, from my collection of poems over the years. The author is unknown. But the words are known, in every heart of someone who has had a true friend. I would like to share it with you now.
Friends That Count
The friends that love us always,
In the good times and the bad;
The friends that love us always
Are the friends that keep us glad.
The friends that cling in tempest
As they do in calms, are those
That make the paths of hardship
Seem the paths of song and rose.
The friends that love us always,
When we go their way or not,
Are the friends our hearts remember
When the others are forgot.
The friends that stick the closest
When the trouble grows the worst;
The friends that love us always,
Just the way they did at first-
They are the crowning jewels
Of the coronets we weave
In the dream of tender moments
When the troubles start to leave.
We revere their names forever
And we see their faces clear.
The friends that love us always,
Whether sun or shadow’s near.
Don’t you love it? How perfectly true are those words. The thing about friends is this. They don’t have to “do anything.” They just have to be there. Right now we have so much love and support from our friends and family. They are ready at a moment’s notice to do whatever it takes to help us. It takes my breath away to be surrounded by such kindness.
I know as things progress with Johnny’s situation, I will need them more and more. Right now, their phone calls, their visits, their letters and their emails give us incredible strength to face whatever is in front of us. I do not fear what is ahead of me, because I know my friends are there, waiting to help our family fight the good fight.
Friends come in all shapes and sizes and genders. But through this incredible journey, we have discovered a new kind of friendship beyond our wildest imagination. Strangers that we never knew before have joined us on this journey. When we initially put out a rally call to everyone we knew, for prayers and support, we were unprepared for the deluge that came flowing to us.
All our friends and family rallied everyone they knew, who rallied everyone they knew, and it just went on and on. We had also specifically requested people write “snail mail” to Johnny, so he would receive mail and look forward each day to walking to the mailbox. The cards and letters and postcards began pouring in by the dozens each day. Now, over six months later, there is always a letter waiting for Johnny in the mailbox each day. And the beauty of this is, the letters mostly come from people we have never met.
I am amazed at the wondrous ways God can bring people together, and form friendships through the spirit of Christ that unites us all. Friends DO love at all times, and DO become “brothers” in the face of adversity. They absolutely are the most precious gifts in life that we must treasure. “Things” don’t matter. Friends matter. Friends count.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all our friends out there, that lift us up on their shoulders to help us through this valley. I do see that “one set of footprints in the sand” when I look down. I know it is our sweet Lord walking through each of you, and carrying us to His victory.
Today I wish each of you the blessings of having true friends. Remember, the best way to have a friend is to BE a friend.
Beautiful blessings,
Rene
One of the treasures you discover in a crisis situation, is the crowning jewels of friendship. I was reflecting this morning, with a heart full of gratitude, on the joy our friends have brought to us during our current trials. You never really understand the value of friends sometimes, until your world is turned upside down. When the dust settles, your true friends are the ones left standing beside you no matter what.
I wish I could express to each of them, just how much their friendship means. But words cannot describe the magnitude of what I want to convey. It is more than I could ever say. Friends become “brothers” in every sense of the word in times of trouble. They are more valuable than any precious stone. When the going gets tough, your friends get going to rally by your side and share the journey.
I came across a beautiful poem this morning, from my collection of poems over the years. The author is unknown. But the words are known, in every heart of someone who has had a true friend. I would like to share it with you now.
Friends That Count
The friends that love us always,
In the good times and the bad;
The friends that love us always
Are the friends that keep us glad.
The friends that cling in tempest
As they do in calms, are those
That make the paths of hardship
Seem the paths of song and rose.
The friends that love us always,
When we go their way or not,
Are the friends our hearts remember
When the others are forgot.
The friends that stick the closest
When the trouble grows the worst;
The friends that love us always,
Just the way they did at first-
They are the crowning jewels
Of the coronets we weave
In the dream of tender moments
When the troubles start to leave.
We revere their names forever
And we see their faces clear.
The friends that love us always,
Whether sun or shadow’s near.
Don’t you love it? How perfectly true are those words. The thing about friends is this. They don’t have to “do anything.” They just have to be there. Right now we have so much love and support from our friends and family. They are ready at a moment’s notice to do whatever it takes to help us. It takes my breath away to be surrounded by such kindness.
I know as things progress with Johnny’s situation, I will need them more and more. Right now, their phone calls, their visits, their letters and their emails give us incredible strength to face whatever is in front of us. I do not fear what is ahead of me, because I know my friends are there, waiting to help our family fight the good fight.
Friends come in all shapes and sizes and genders. But through this incredible journey, we have discovered a new kind of friendship beyond our wildest imagination. Strangers that we never knew before have joined us on this journey. When we initially put out a rally call to everyone we knew, for prayers and support, we were unprepared for the deluge that came flowing to us.
All our friends and family rallied everyone they knew, who rallied everyone they knew, and it just went on and on. We had also specifically requested people write “snail mail” to Johnny, so he would receive mail and look forward each day to walking to the mailbox. The cards and letters and postcards began pouring in by the dozens each day. Now, over six months later, there is always a letter waiting for Johnny in the mailbox each day. And the beauty of this is, the letters mostly come from people we have never met.
I am amazed at the wondrous ways God can bring people together, and form friendships through the spirit of Christ that unites us all. Friends DO love at all times, and DO become “brothers” in the face of adversity. They absolutely are the most precious gifts in life that we must treasure. “Things” don’t matter. Friends matter. Friends count.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all our friends out there, that lift us up on their shoulders to help us through this valley. I do see that “one set of footprints in the sand” when I look down. I know it is our sweet Lord walking through each of you, and carrying us to His victory.
Today I wish each of you the blessings of having true friends. Remember, the best way to have a friend is to BE a friend.
Beautiful blessings,
Rene
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Finding The Way To Forgiveness
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will forgive you” - Matthew 6:14
It takes a lot to take a smile off my face. If you’ve been following the blog for the last six months, on our journey through my husband Johnny’s battle with stage 4 terminal lung cancer, you know that no matter how trying the circumstances, I look for the rainbow of God’s grace in every situation.
Yesterday my faith was really put to the test. I’m not sure what “grade” God would give me on this test because I “lost my cool” in the situation in a fit of anger. Even though the situation was resolved by the grace of God, I really had to struggle with unforgiveness. But God works in mysterious ways. I tried to write my blog last night to tell you all about the situation but one thing after another kept getting in the way of my writing. I think God was helping me TOTALLY get the forgiveness thing firmly planted in my heart so I could authentically reflect his message on this matter, in the words I bring to you.
Here’s what happened. I went to fill Johnny’s new prescription yesterday that our doctor had written the day before for Oxycontin. Johnny had one pill left in the bottle at home. He currently is on a pain management regimen of 2 pills every 12 hours. The doctor increased the pill count in the bottle to 180 pills, allow for possible 3 pills per dose if increased pain required it.
His next dose was coming up yesterday evening. I had driven out of my way to another drugstore because our usual one (who shall remain nameless) was out of the generic brand. Our health insurance company refuses to pay for the name brand. I even considered going ahead and paying the cost for the namebrand and biting the bullet on the difference, just to avoid having to run all over town to get the meds in time
That was until they told me the price would be $737 for one bottle. My temperature started to rise at this point, thinking about how unfair it is that the drug companies have the audacity to charge such outrageous prices and the average person in this country cannot really AFFORD to be sick. But off I drove headed to the out of the way store, so I would not have to wait a day or two for our usual drugstore to refill their coffers.
I drove up to the new drive-thru window and asked them to fill it immediately due to the circumstances of coming out of my way. They said no problem, to wait and they would fill it immediately. Things were looking good. That is, until they came back a moment later and told me that the insurance company was refusing the order. My mouth dropped. I asked what the problem was. They told me they needed to get the doctors approval for the order. I responded that they were holding a prescription in their hand and how much more approval did they need?
Then they explained that apparently the “drug benefits” in our plan had run out and the insurance company would have to go through a red tape process of having the doctor “apply for approval of extension of benefits.” This involved the insurance company having to get in touch with the doctor and getting information and this process would take days. Up goes my temperature again!
I told them that this was totally unacceptable. In my mind I am computing the cost of our insurance at $18,000 a year and multiplying it by ten years that we have had it with this company, which adds up to about $180,000 we have paid them over the years and how dare they have the nerve to interfere with our doctors decision and interrupt my husband’s pain care so they could get through all their red tape? Hold me back Lord! I’m about to blow!
The drugstore told me it might help if I called the doctor myself to speed up the process. They gave me the number to give the doctor to call. I took down the number and asked them if I could call this number also. They told me no one had ever down this before but it couldn’t hurt to try. I prayed for the person that was about to receive my phone call at this number. They were about to receive the wrath of Rene Williams with a “mad-on!”
I pulled around in the parking lot and parked to make the phone call after I made the call to the doctor with the information first. The voice on the other end that answered asked me if they could have my ID number. I told them they MAY NOT because I had one general question that I wanted one general answer to and I wanted that answer NOW. I explained that I would try to remain as calm as possible but they would have to forgive the mounting frustration in my voice because I was furious.
I first asked what in the heck was I paying $1,500 a month for, if I could not get the services and the medicine that my doctor prescribed, that they promised to provide in return. I explained how the drugstore was unable to fill the prescription because their “company,” which,by the way, was not my insurance company, but a “contracted” company handling the benefits apparently. I got the pat scripted response from the lady who informed me of the benefits problem and how she would have to “start a new case”to see about extending the benefits.
I asked “just who is treating my husband? You or the doctor?” I explained the regimen he was on and how his next dose was coming up and I didn’t care about all the red tape procedures. I told her SHE could go home and tell my husband who was laying in bed in pain after an exhausting chemo session that he wasn’t going to get his pain meds!
I said “Madame? I am appealing to you from one human heart to another to do something about this and do it now because I am not leaving this drugstore until you start this case and finish this case right here and now.” I explained all the above mentioned circumstances. By the grace of God I reached her. She told me to hold on and she would get her supervisor to see if an exception could be made.
By this tine almost an hour has gone by in the back and forth while I am on hold and she periodically is coming back on the line telling me of the progress and how they are talking with the doctor on the other line yada yada. AS I’m waiting in the car on hold I start talking God.
I began reciting Psalm 91 over and over and over. Thank goodness I have learned it by heart. Now I can use it as a weapon with the sword of the spirit going to work on my behalf and resolving this situation. Here is an important point about why we should implant God’s word in our heart by memory. You never know when you are going to battle and need it on the spot and I did not have my bible with me!
Finally the lady comes back on the line and tells me everything has been approved and that I can drive back around to the drive through and pick up the meds. By now an hour and a half has passed. So I drive around and say “Its me again!” and tell the girl at the window everything has been approved and II give her the name of the person that instructed me to pick up the medicine.
She goes to process it and asks me “are you sure they didn’t tell you there would be a delay? Its not in the computer. I replied, totally exhausted by now “don’t even go there.” So there I sit for another round in this battle while the store makes more calls to this company. The cars are piling up behind me in line. I ask her if she wants me to move to help the other customers but suddenly they get the approval – except for one thing. They are not allowed to fill the entire amount because the drug company says we are filling it too soon.
OK. Now I am at exploding point. I tell her that is unacceptable because the doctor has increased the dosage and that will not be enough if he has to take three at a time and the bottle will run out sooner, if he does need the extra amount and we will be dealing with the same issue when it is time for refill again and that our doctor prescribed a determined amount and that I WANTED IT FILLED AS ORDERED!
They said that would require more phone calls back to this company. Is it me, or is there something wrong with this grand picture? I told them to make those phone calls and I would pull around and NOW GET OUT AND COME IN while they did, but I was not leaving until I got what the doctor ordered for my husband.
So I come in the store and they make the more phone calls and finally tell me the company will not budge and that’s all I can have for today. I finally give up in exhaustion and tell them ok give me what ever, just so I can get the medicine to him. I will bite the bullet on the 48 pilkls we cannot have and deal with all later. They say fine I say “what is the amount due?” as I pull out my check book. They reply “oh now we have to process the order. It will be another 10-15 minutes.”
I tell them “I have been her 2 hours now. Cant you JUST THROW SOME PILLS IN THE BOTTLE AND LET ME GO HOME?” NO deal. I must wait my turn in line. So at that pint I just give up and fall exhausted into the waiting chair and resign myself to give up and just wait in peace. 10 minutes later I get the order and go home.
Whew! It is exhausting just to retell this story! But the end of this story is the beginning of my journey in finding the way to forgiveness on this matter. It took me a long time to regroup and get rid of my anger and get my equilibrium back. Once I got home and tended to Johnny, who still had not left the bed since the chemo on Tuesday, I walked downstairs and headed for my bible.
I needed God to talk to me and set me right, to be one with, the same as, and in tune with God’s thought on the matter. How do I forgive in an unforgivable and unfair situation? I prayed for God to lead me to the light in the matter. This is why I reach for my bible each day. I feel like the more time you spend in reading the bible, the better you get to understand God’s language. This is how He speaks to our hearts – through HIS WORD. Through HIS LANGUAGE.
The more we read and study what He is trying to tell us – the more gets planted in our hearts as a foundation of our faith. It makes our faith stronger. It makes grace abound. It releases all the gifts He has waiting for us. When we are instructed to immerse ourselves in the word it is not supposed to be a drudgery assignment. It is intended as a place we can meet God everyday and spend time with Him by getting to know Him.
This is how we place our problems in His hands knowing that HE can make a way where there is no way. Last night HE made a way for me to find forgiveness, I was led to Colossians 3:12-15. He makes it abundantly clear that the only way to peace ruling again in our hearts is through forgiving as Christ has forgiven us.
It emphatically states: “if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also MUST DO.” So there it is. I must rest and “give up the ghost” of unforgiveness. No bones about it. Just do it. I must trust that GOOD will come out of this situation but not until I give it up to God to handle.
And now I believe that good is on the way. I am watching for it to arrive. My heart is at peace. I have renewed my trust that God is in control. That applies to EVERYTHING. It is all or nothing. And so I slept good last night. I woke up refreshed in the spirit because my burden had been removed.
Do you have a situation that requires forgiveness in your life? It also tells us elsewhere in the bible that bitterness is a poison that will destroy you little by little. I believe that unforgiveness hurts YOU more than it hurts the person or situation you cannot forgive. So I encourage each of you to deal with unforgiveness immediately for your own sake. Set your spirit free. Get into God’s words and let him speak to your heart.
God wants us to live a life of joy – no matter what the circumstance. So I wish for each of you – a heart that is happy and free from whatever separates you from the joy of God. Every moment counts. Deal with it now. Live the life God designed for you and follow the path to peace. The Chinese have a saying that “the journey of a thousands miles begins with one step.” I hope you will make your first step today.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
It takes a lot to take a smile off my face. If you’ve been following the blog for the last six months, on our journey through my husband Johnny’s battle with stage 4 terminal lung cancer, you know that no matter how trying the circumstances, I look for the rainbow of God’s grace in every situation.
Yesterday my faith was really put to the test. I’m not sure what “grade” God would give me on this test because I “lost my cool” in the situation in a fit of anger. Even though the situation was resolved by the grace of God, I really had to struggle with unforgiveness. But God works in mysterious ways. I tried to write my blog last night to tell you all about the situation but one thing after another kept getting in the way of my writing. I think God was helping me TOTALLY get the forgiveness thing firmly planted in my heart so I could authentically reflect his message on this matter, in the words I bring to you.
Here’s what happened. I went to fill Johnny’s new prescription yesterday that our doctor had written the day before for Oxycontin. Johnny had one pill left in the bottle at home. He currently is on a pain management regimen of 2 pills every 12 hours. The doctor increased the pill count in the bottle to 180 pills, allow for possible 3 pills per dose if increased pain required it.
His next dose was coming up yesterday evening. I had driven out of my way to another drugstore because our usual one (who shall remain nameless) was out of the generic brand. Our health insurance company refuses to pay for the name brand. I even considered going ahead and paying the cost for the namebrand and biting the bullet on the difference, just to avoid having to run all over town to get the meds in time
That was until they told me the price would be $737 for one bottle. My temperature started to rise at this point, thinking about how unfair it is that the drug companies have the audacity to charge such outrageous prices and the average person in this country cannot really AFFORD to be sick. But off I drove headed to the out of the way store, so I would not have to wait a day or two for our usual drugstore to refill their coffers.
I drove up to the new drive-thru window and asked them to fill it immediately due to the circumstances of coming out of my way. They said no problem, to wait and they would fill it immediately. Things were looking good. That is, until they came back a moment later and told me that the insurance company was refusing the order. My mouth dropped. I asked what the problem was. They told me they needed to get the doctors approval for the order. I responded that they were holding a prescription in their hand and how much more approval did they need?
Then they explained that apparently the “drug benefits” in our plan had run out and the insurance company would have to go through a red tape process of having the doctor “apply for approval of extension of benefits.” This involved the insurance company having to get in touch with the doctor and getting information and this process would take days. Up goes my temperature again!
I told them that this was totally unacceptable. In my mind I am computing the cost of our insurance at $18,000 a year and multiplying it by ten years that we have had it with this company, which adds up to about $180,000 we have paid them over the years and how dare they have the nerve to interfere with our doctors decision and interrupt my husband’s pain care so they could get through all their red tape? Hold me back Lord! I’m about to blow!
The drugstore told me it might help if I called the doctor myself to speed up the process. They gave me the number to give the doctor to call. I took down the number and asked them if I could call this number also. They told me no one had ever down this before but it couldn’t hurt to try. I prayed for the person that was about to receive my phone call at this number. They were about to receive the wrath of Rene Williams with a “mad-on!”
I pulled around in the parking lot and parked to make the phone call after I made the call to the doctor with the information first. The voice on the other end that answered asked me if they could have my ID number. I told them they MAY NOT because I had one general question that I wanted one general answer to and I wanted that answer NOW. I explained that I would try to remain as calm as possible but they would have to forgive the mounting frustration in my voice because I was furious.
I first asked what in the heck was I paying $1,500 a month for, if I could not get the services and the medicine that my doctor prescribed, that they promised to provide in return. I explained how the drugstore was unable to fill the prescription because their “company,” which,by the way, was not my insurance company, but a “contracted” company handling the benefits apparently. I got the pat scripted response from the lady who informed me of the benefits problem and how she would have to “start a new case”to see about extending the benefits.
I asked “just who is treating my husband? You or the doctor?” I explained the regimen he was on and how his next dose was coming up and I didn’t care about all the red tape procedures. I told her SHE could go home and tell my husband who was laying in bed in pain after an exhausting chemo session that he wasn’t going to get his pain meds!
I said “Madame? I am appealing to you from one human heart to another to do something about this and do it now because I am not leaving this drugstore until you start this case and finish this case right here and now.” I explained all the above mentioned circumstances. By the grace of God I reached her. She told me to hold on and she would get her supervisor to see if an exception could be made.
By this tine almost an hour has gone by in the back and forth while I am on hold and she periodically is coming back on the line telling me of the progress and how they are talking with the doctor on the other line yada yada. AS I’m waiting in the car on hold I start talking God.
I began reciting Psalm 91 over and over and over. Thank goodness I have learned it by heart. Now I can use it as a weapon with the sword of the spirit going to work on my behalf and resolving this situation. Here is an important point about why we should implant God’s word in our heart by memory. You never know when you are going to battle and need it on the spot and I did not have my bible with me!
Finally the lady comes back on the line and tells me everything has been approved and that I can drive back around to the drive through and pick up the meds. By now an hour and a half has passed. So I drive around and say “Its me again!” and tell the girl at the window everything has been approved and II give her the name of the person that instructed me to pick up the medicine.
She goes to process it and asks me “are you sure they didn’t tell you there would be a delay? Its not in the computer. I replied, totally exhausted by now “don’t even go there.” So there I sit for another round in this battle while the store makes more calls to this company. The cars are piling up behind me in line. I ask her if she wants me to move to help the other customers but suddenly they get the approval – except for one thing. They are not allowed to fill the entire amount because the drug company says we are filling it too soon.
OK. Now I am at exploding point. I tell her that is unacceptable because the doctor has increased the dosage and that will not be enough if he has to take three at a time and the bottle will run out sooner, if he does need the extra amount and we will be dealing with the same issue when it is time for refill again and that our doctor prescribed a determined amount and that I WANTED IT FILLED AS ORDERED!
They said that would require more phone calls back to this company. Is it me, or is there something wrong with this grand picture? I told them to make those phone calls and I would pull around and NOW GET OUT AND COME IN while they did, but I was not leaving until I got what the doctor ordered for my husband.
So I come in the store and they make the more phone calls and finally tell me the company will not budge and that’s all I can have for today. I finally give up in exhaustion and tell them ok give me what ever, just so I can get the medicine to him. I will bite the bullet on the 48 pilkls we cannot have and deal with all later. They say fine I say “what is the amount due?” as I pull out my check book. They reply “oh now we have to process the order. It will be another 10-15 minutes.”
I tell them “I have been her 2 hours now. Cant you JUST THROW SOME PILLS IN THE BOTTLE AND LET ME GO HOME?” NO deal. I must wait my turn in line. So at that pint I just give up and fall exhausted into the waiting chair and resign myself to give up and just wait in peace. 10 minutes later I get the order and go home.
Whew! It is exhausting just to retell this story! But the end of this story is the beginning of my journey in finding the way to forgiveness on this matter. It took me a long time to regroup and get rid of my anger and get my equilibrium back. Once I got home and tended to Johnny, who still had not left the bed since the chemo on Tuesday, I walked downstairs and headed for my bible.
I needed God to talk to me and set me right, to be one with, the same as, and in tune with God’s thought on the matter. How do I forgive in an unforgivable and unfair situation? I prayed for God to lead me to the light in the matter. This is why I reach for my bible each day. I feel like the more time you spend in reading the bible, the better you get to understand God’s language. This is how He speaks to our hearts – through HIS WORD. Through HIS LANGUAGE.
The more we read and study what He is trying to tell us – the more gets planted in our hearts as a foundation of our faith. It makes our faith stronger. It makes grace abound. It releases all the gifts He has waiting for us. When we are instructed to immerse ourselves in the word it is not supposed to be a drudgery assignment. It is intended as a place we can meet God everyday and spend time with Him by getting to know Him.
This is how we place our problems in His hands knowing that HE can make a way where there is no way. Last night HE made a way for me to find forgiveness, I was led to Colossians 3:12-15. He makes it abundantly clear that the only way to peace ruling again in our hearts is through forgiving as Christ has forgiven us.
It emphatically states: “if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also MUST DO.” So there it is. I must rest and “give up the ghost” of unforgiveness. No bones about it. Just do it. I must trust that GOOD will come out of this situation but not until I give it up to God to handle.
And now I believe that good is on the way. I am watching for it to arrive. My heart is at peace. I have renewed my trust that God is in control. That applies to EVERYTHING. It is all or nothing. And so I slept good last night. I woke up refreshed in the spirit because my burden had been removed.
Do you have a situation that requires forgiveness in your life? It also tells us elsewhere in the bible that bitterness is a poison that will destroy you little by little. I believe that unforgiveness hurts YOU more than it hurts the person or situation you cannot forgive. So I encourage each of you to deal with unforgiveness immediately for your own sake. Set your spirit free. Get into God’s words and let him speak to your heart.
God wants us to live a life of joy – no matter what the circumstance. So I wish for each of you – a heart that is happy and free from whatever separates you from the joy of God. Every moment counts. Deal with it now. Live the life God designed for you and follow the path to peace. The Chinese have a saying that “the journey of a thousands miles begins with one step.” I hope you will make your first step today.
Beautiful Blessings!
Rene
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
