“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, life is about learning to dance in the rain”
I heard through the grapevine today that somebody has been talking about me. They said “Something is wrong with that girl. She is too happy all the time.” I laughed out loud when I heard that. If that’s the worst thing someone can say about me I must be doing something right.
I suspect though that the perception of the person who made that statement is that either I live in total denial of reality, or that nothing ever goes wrong in my life. Neither of the above is correct. The truth of the matter is that I struggle through storms just like everybody else. I stumble and I fall. But I get back up and I keep on going and I keep on smiling. And I keep on trusting God no matter what.
I am learning to dance in the rain. It is all about praising God (even when you don’t feel like it) and believing that good things come to those who love the Lord. It is clinging to the belief that God is in control. It is about stepping out of myself when the winds are swirling around me and reaching out to help somebody else. I was born to dance this way.
What I find is that my own problems seem to pale next to another’s and there is strength to be had in lifting up one another. What goes around comes around. And it all comes back around to living every moment. The bible speaks of it as “redeeming our time.”
Time has become a precious commodity around our home. Johnny began his new chemo last Friday. It is our second line of defense. The side effects are not as powerful as the last chemo so Johnny continues to keep his appetite. But he is weak. His stamina does not last long. His patience is getting a lot shorter. But his faith in God is something he clings to fiercely.
Tonight was a special night for Johnny. Scarlett invited her Daddy out for a special date. She asked me to dress him up fancy in his finest suit. So I pulled out his black Ralph Lauren suit with a shiny silver vest and bow tie to match. I shined up his black shoes and tucked a little scarf in his pocket. He looked so dapper!
Scarlett arrived in a gorgeous formal gown to escort him to his favorite French restaurant for their date. Before they left she gave him a card. She told him that he had been her first love and that he would always be her hero. The card ended with a personal request for a private dance.
She took him into the formal living room where the song “My Little Girl” by Tim McGraw began playing and they danced together as if they had all the time in the world. It was truly a “redeeming moment in time” that I will never forget watching. For just a moment it seemed like nothing in the world was wrong. The love between a father and a daughter overshadowed all the storms.
What precious moments in your life have you been putting off until the right moment? I encourage you to seize the moment and “dance in the middle of the storm.” Don’t wait until it passes. Life is too short to wait. There is too much to be missed.
Stop and take stock of what really counts in your life. Do more then tell some one you love them. Show them. Get rid of the busyness and get back to the basics. It might surprise you how much you fill your life with things that just simply do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
Vow tomorrow to start doing the things that really matter. My greatest wish for each of you is to stop and dance……….
Beautiful Blessings,
Rene
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Keeping My Eyes On Joy
"Be not grieved or depressed, for the joy of the Lord is your strength and stronghold" - Nehemiah 8:10
Today I learned a lesson from many friends of mine who always rally around me when I feel the joy slipping. Friends are angels who lift you up when your wings are broken. They remind me of the importance of keeping the faith and of the truths that sustain me. They help me to keep believing when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you all. You know who you are.
Here is an excerpt from an email I received from my friend Connie inn Marianna that says it all about keeping the faith:
Here is a little something that I read today
Faith believes it possesses before it sees.
Every promise of God exists in the unseen, invisible realm. The unseen is more real than the seen because it includes everything God has ever had in His heart to speak into existence.
We are asking the wrong question when we ask, When is God going to do it? He has already done it, provided, taken care of it.....whatever "it" is.
The right question is When am I going to believe I recieve?
Remember we are not sight-walking people but faith walking people. We don't have to see or feel or taste or touch or hear before we believe and receive.
Faith receives when it prays. We either rest in our faith, knowing we have received until it becomes visible, or we become frustrated and begin to struggle with our faith.
Walking by faith and not by sight requires the renewal of our minds, transformation of our thinking, and retraining our whole way of believing and receiving. And that is not our job. God has given us the Holy Spirit to do that work for us.
As we focus on the Fathers promises....His Word written in the Bible and in our hearts....the Holy Spirit builds and increases our faith. His work in us enables us to believe and receive. Just like we believed we received our salvation before we saw anything in us change, we believe we receive everything else in our life of faith.
Every promise of God, every provision for your life, every answer to every problem is in the invisible realm. You and I are not waiting for things to come to us...things are waiting to be taken hold of! Faith brings everything in to the visible realm...believing whatever you desire is already yours and taking it.
By the stripes of Jesus I was healed. I take my healing now!!
Do what Jesus said to do in Mark 11:24 Whatever things you desire or want or need, when you pray, believer you take and possess them and you shall have them.
Take hold of what God has promised....lay hold of the invisible......Take it today.
This was an article that I read just a bit ago and I thought wow that is right on time..................this is exactly where it is...........it is exactly what God told me.....I had asked Him when He was going to fix me and He asked me When are you going to believe me.............I have already done it. You just need to believe me and trust my Word.
Love you, Connie
Each of you lift mne up in so many different ways.........girlfriends are forever! Thank you thank you thank you all of you.
Blessings,
Rene
Today I learned a lesson from many friends of mine who always rally around me when I feel the joy slipping. Friends are angels who lift you up when your wings are broken. They remind me of the importance of keeping the faith and of the truths that sustain me. They help me to keep believing when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you all. You know who you are.
Here is an excerpt from an email I received from my friend Connie inn Marianna that says it all about keeping the faith:
Here is a little something that I read today
Faith believes it possesses before it sees.
Every promise of God exists in the unseen, invisible realm. The unseen is more real than the seen because it includes everything God has ever had in His heart to speak into existence.
We are asking the wrong question when we ask, When is God going to do it? He has already done it, provided, taken care of it.....whatever "it" is.
The right question is When am I going to believe I recieve?
Remember we are not sight-walking people but faith walking people. We don't have to see or feel or taste or touch or hear before we believe and receive.
Faith receives when it prays. We either rest in our faith, knowing we have received until it becomes visible, or we become frustrated and begin to struggle with our faith.
Walking by faith and not by sight requires the renewal of our minds, transformation of our thinking, and retraining our whole way of believing and receiving. And that is not our job. God has given us the Holy Spirit to do that work for us.
As we focus on the Fathers promises....His Word written in the Bible and in our hearts....the Holy Spirit builds and increases our faith. His work in us enables us to believe and receive. Just like we believed we received our salvation before we saw anything in us change, we believe we receive everything else in our life of faith.
Every promise of God, every provision for your life, every answer to every problem is in the invisible realm. You and I are not waiting for things to come to us...things are waiting to be taken hold of! Faith brings everything in to the visible realm...believing whatever you desire is already yours and taking it.
By the stripes of Jesus I was healed. I take my healing now!!
Do what Jesus said to do in Mark 11:24 Whatever things you desire or want or need, when you pray, believer you take and possess them and you shall have them.
Take hold of what God has promised....lay hold of the invisible......Take it today.
This was an article that I read just a bit ago and I thought wow that is right on time..................this is exactly where it is...........it is exactly what God told me.....I had asked Him when He was going to fix me and He asked me When are you going to believe me.............I have already done it. You just need to believe me and trust my Word.
Love you, Connie
Each of you lift mne up in so many different ways.........girlfriends are forever! Thank you thank you thank you all of you.
Blessings,
Rene
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Hope Floats
"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." - Romans 5:5
God certainly works in mysterious ways! He encourages us to "hang on to hope" despite what we see happening around us by trusting Him and keeping an expectant heart. It seems that the anchor that we cling to, once again, all comes back to the power of love. There is no greater power in the universe. Even the greatest scientific minds of our time concur on this point.
And so it was, after last weeks' unsettling events and test results, the only choice we had, was to surrender to the love of God and "believe it before we see it," as we journey towards the victory and destruction of the enemy cancer. We jumped back up after a discouraging moment, remembering our motto "tough times never last but tough cookies do!"
We cannot help but wonder about God's orchestration of things as we look back at how certain events have fallen in place. I told you about the Chinese doctor and how I happened upon him quite coincidentally, and his recommendation of Chinese medicine. We decided to go forward (after our last meeting to review the scan results) with the Chinese approach to curing cancer with major emphasis on Reishi mushroom medicine, along with the brewed herbs from the mountains of China, and corbrin pills.
Then "coincidentally" the "fellow" Doctor we met with at our last meeting week before last, was unable to facilitate Johnny getting his B-12 shot necessary to start the chemo scheduled for this past Friday. So we did not start the new 2nd line defense chemo yet. (Could this have been a "God moment" making room for a chance to try the alternative method?)
But we DID get to talk with our oncologist about the specific possibility of giving the chinese medicine several weeks trial and we were thrilled to have her 100% support. We told her we had already started it for a week and in my research I found that the recommended amount was at least four cups of Reishi mushroom brew (he had only been drinking one cup per day) so we decided that for one week we would "sock it to it" with the recommended 4 cups of reishi mushroom, 2 cups of the brewed herbs, and 15 pills of corbrin per day.
Our oncologist has another patient also using Reishi but on a slow growing tumor. So she is unable to chart the effects as well. Considering Johnny's tumor indicated fast growth and that the chinese medicine information could possibly show results within several weeks, we decided to do another CAT scan this coming Thursday, which, if there is any significant change found in the scan, would prove that the Chinese medicine approach SPECIFICALLY was responsible.
WOO HOO! How exciting is that? And it makes me wonder about God's plan in all this. If the last scan we had prayed for yielded results it would have been due to chemo. If this scan yields good results it will be because of chinese medicine. That is exciting to me because Reishi mushroom therapy has NO SIDE EFFECTS. It does no harm to the patient. Could this be a clue to the answer the world seeks?
That has always been what distresses me about traditional western medical approaches to treat cancer. With chemo we infuse the body with poison which destroys our immune system and blood counts and has been proven to cause more cancer. With surgery (specifically masechtomy) the patient is maimed and mutilated of some necessary part of the body and side effects like lymphodema are something the patient must live with forever. With radiation the skin and organs are fried and this also has been proven to cause more cancer and bodily disfunction.
It seems like we have strayed from the original goal in medicine that Hippocrates mentions when he states that medicine will "do no harm." Wouldn't it be incredible if Western and Eastern medicine could combine forces hand in hand to effectively remove this scourge of the earth we call cancer? Wouldn't it be wonderful to find a cure to save those we love and those that others love all over the world?
From the research I have done it seems that the very minimum of possibilities to be had from exploring Chinese medicine is that it can work with Western medicine to eliminate the devastating and body wasting side effects of chemo, and radiation. That alone would be a blessing. But here is what else it has been documented to do.
1. Supports immune resistance during chemo and radiation.
2. Protects against bladder cancer cell growth
3. Possibly supresses invasive breast cancer cell growth
4. Stimulates cytokines, macrophages, and T-cells
5. Inhibits platelet aggregation
6. Protects liver from chemical damage
7. Sedative
8. Promotes feeling of well being
9. Cardio tonic - cardio vascular effects
10. Lowers blood pressure
11. Reduces or eliminates tumors.
12. Cancer preventative
13. Anti-allergies
14. Anti-inflammatory
15. Hepatitis
16. Anti-stress
So we march onward in battle and our days are filled with brewing and drinking the chinese medicine. We have also added other strategies including the power of prayer and speaking the Word and daily affirmations that Johnny's body is filled with all the healing forces necessary to bring his body back to good health.
We thank you all for your encouragment and prayers. Keep us in prayer again for our next CAT scan. Perhaps THIS is the scan God meant us to find. Meanwhile, we keep floating on hope.
Beautiful blessings,
Rene
God certainly works in mysterious ways! He encourages us to "hang on to hope" despite what we see happening around us by trusting Him and keeping an expectant heart. It seems that the anchor that we cling to, once again, all comes back to the power of love. There is no greater power in the universe. Even the greatest scientific minds of our time concur on this point.
And so it was, after last weeks' unsettling events and test results, the only choice we had, was to surrender to the love of God and "believe it before we see it," as we journey towards the victory and destruction of the enemy cancer. We jumped back up after a discouraging moment, remembering our motto "tough times never last but tough cookies do!"
We cannot help but wonder about God's orchestration of things as we look back at how certain events have fallen in place. I told you about the Chinese doctor and how I happened upon him quite coincidentally, and his recommendation of Chinese medicine. We decided to go forward (after our last meeting to review the scan results) with the Chinese approach to curing cancer with major emphasis on Reishi mushroom medicine, along with the brewed herbs from the mountains of China, and corbrin pills.
Then "coincidentally" the "fellow" Doctor we met with at our last meeting week before last, was unable to facilitate Johnny getting his B-12 shot necessary to start the chemo scheduled for this past Friday. So we did not start the new 2nd line defense chemo yet. (Could this have been a "God moment" making room for a chance to try the alternative method?)
But we DID get to talk with our oncologist about the specific possibility of giving the chinese medicine several weeks trial and we were thrilled to have her 100% support. We told her we had already started it for a week and in my research I found that the recommended amount was at least four cups of Reishi mushroom brew (he had only been drinking one cup per day) so we decided that for one week we would "sock it to it" with the recommended 4 cups of reishi mushroom, 2 cups of the brewed herbs, and 15 pills of corbrin per day.
Our oncologist has another patient also using Reishi but on a slow growing tumor. So she is unable to chart the effects as well. Considering Johnny's tumor indicated fast growth and that the chinese medicine information could possibly show results within several weeks, we decided to do another CAT scan this coming Thursday, which, if there is any significant change found in the scan, would prove that the Chinese medicine approach SPECIFICALLY was responsible.
WOO HOO! How exciting is that? And it makes me wonder about God's plan in all this. If the last scan we had prayed for yielded results it would have been due to chemo. If this scan yields good results it will be because of chinese medicine. That is exciting to me because Reishi mushroom therapy has NO SIDE EFFECTS. It does no harm to the patient. Could this be a clue to the answer the world seeks?
That has always been what distresses me about traditional western medical approaches to treat cancer. With chemo we infuse the body with poison which destroys our immune system and blood counts and has been proven to cause more cancer. With surgery (specifically masechtomy) the patient is maimed and mutilated of some necessary part of the body and side effects like lymphodema are something the patient must live with forever. With radiation the skin and organs are fried and this also has been proven to cause more cancer and bodily disfunction.
It seems like we have strayed from the original goal in medicine that Hippocrates mentions when he states that medicine will "do no harm." Wouldn't it be incredible if Western and Eastern medicine could combine forces hand in hand to effectively remove this scourge of the earth we call cancer? Wouldn't it be wonderful to find a cure to save those we love and those that others love all over the world?
From the research I have done it seems that the very minimum of possibilities to be had from exploring Chinese medicine is that it can work with Western medicine to eliminate the devastating and body wasting side effects of chemo, and radiation. That alone would be a blessing. But here is what else it has been documented to do.
1. Supports immune resistance during chemo and radiation.
2. Protects against bladder cancer cell growth
3. Possibly supresses invasive breast cancer cell growth
4. Stimulates cytokines, macrophages, and T-cells
5. Inhibits platelet aggregation
6. Protects liver from chemical damage
7. Sedative
8. Promotes feeling of well being
9. Cardio tonic - cardio vascular effects
10. Lowers blood pressure
11. Reduces or eliminates tumors.
12. Cancer preventative
13. Anti-allergies
14. Anti-inflammatory
15. Hepatitis
16. Anti-stress
So we march onward in battle and our days are filled with brewing and drinking the chinese medicine. We have also added other strategies including the power of prayer and speaking the Word and daily affirmations that Johnny's body is filled with all the healing forces necessary to bring his body back to good health.
We thank you all for your encouragment and prayers. Keep us in prayer again for our next CAT scan. Perhaps THIS is the scan God meant us to find. Meanwhile, we keep floating on hope.
Beautiful blessings,
Rene
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I Will Not Be Broken - Faith No Matter What
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." - Psalm 118:8
I apologize for taking so long to get this blog out. I had written an entry this weekend to update you on the results of Johnny's CAT scan. The text mysteriously disappeared as I went to copy and paste it from WORD to this website. Talk about kicking and screaming! I started it at midnight Saturday and it took me two hours to do. It was a very emotionally charged one, so tears were streaming down my face the entire time I wrote it. And suddenly it was gone.
Well, that of course kept me up another hour trying to search through my computer trying to figure out where it could possibly have gone. Then when I finally gave up and went to bed I couldn't go to sleep wracking my brain. I got up again and searched the computer more. I didn't get to sleep until about 4am.
Maybe God had a better message to send you through my typing fingers. So here goes take two.
Thank all of you who took the time out of your life to remember ours and pray for Johnny's CAT scan to be a positive report. It was not to be. His tumor has increased by 30% and the adrenal gland site has also grown. They decided to NOT do his scheduled chemo session because of the poor results on the tumor. They are going to try another chemo which helps only 20% of patients and it only offers several weeks of longetivity beyond the prognosis. It is a milder chemo with less side effects.
Johnny's blood count was lower than they needed it to be for a chemo session, so we got a reprieve for this week. Since the prognosis was so grave and the doctor even mentioned a point of no treatment at all for quality of life - I thought it an opportune moment to bring up the possibility of alternative medicine. I had done some research on Mayo Clinic's website and was happy to find that they were starting to explore other methods to use in conjunction with traditional treatments.
I recently crossed paths with a Chinese doctor , who I discovered when I saw a sign for "Reflexology" in his window while driving by. I whirled the car aroun in a u-turn to go get some information. He was available right then and I made an appointment for a reflexology foot massage (one of those heaven on earth moments). During the session we talked in broken English (and pencil and pad drawings) and I told him about Johnny and the diagnosis.
He told me that his wife had lung cancer 4 years ago and that she was treated with chemotherapy and radiation along with a chinese herbal regimen at a hospital in Beijing. She is still alive today. He believes the combination of Western and Eastern medicine is the key to achieving the greatest success in treating a patient. The difference with combining forces is less side effects from the chemo and a stronger immune system to battle the damage from treatments, and to multiply our bodies own "cancer-killer" cells that we already have. Consequently, the patient has more stamina and strength.
He asked me to come back for another visit so he could explain and show me what he was talking about. So I returned and sat down with him at his desk. He described the tallest mountain in China and drew me a picture of it with the snow caps on top. Then he showed me right below the snow area where hundreds of herbs and mushrooms grow that are watered by the melting snow. These are harvested and are used in China especially to treat cancer but also for many other ailments due to their many medicinal properties.
He brought out this bag of herbs and told me that when Doctors write a prescription at Beijing Hospital this is what the patient receives. The "medicine" is prepared by boiling the bag of herbs in a special ceramic pot for an hour. The liquid is poured into two glasses. The pot is filled with water again. One more hour of boiling. Two more glasses of liquid. Next he brought out a box of 10 packets. The powder was concentrated Reishi mushroom powder which the Chinese consider the "king of herbs" in their country. Part of the mushroom's properties in dealing with tumors is that it shrivels tumors and prevents them from sticking to an organ's wall. It also boosts the immune system into a weapon of mass destruction.
It has been several weeks since this meeting but I have told Johnny about it, and though he was interested he still wanted to wait to see what results came from the CAT Scan. That morning as we set in the Doctor's office hearing the discouraging news, I leaned over and whispered in his ear "Can I ask now about the chinese herbs?" He didn't hesitate to say yes. So we told the Doctor what we knew. The Doctor was alot more receptive than I thought he would be. He mentioned Mayo Clinic's great interest in research and finding the cure for the incurable. Lung cancer is such a cancer. Especially Stage 4.
The synchronicity of coincidences appearing in our lives lately steering us towards alternative solutions is interesting. Two separate individuals have brought us information about the healing power of kambucha mushrooms just in the last several days. I was handed a magazine at the health food store with a cover story on the medicinal benefits of maitake, reishi, and shiitake mushrooms. Could their be magic in mushrooms? Let us know what you think. Let us know if you have information.
We have decided to take a leap of faith and try the tea. We are curious if it will boost Johnny's blood count on the test he will have done Friday. We will never give up fighting - never! never! never!
But let's go back to the day of the office visit, the discouraging news, and getting our faith back on track after a left hook from the devil. When we returned home we both kind of walked around in circles. We knew there were alot of people waiting on our call. Especially Scarlett. We really didn't say much during the ride home. We were still in shock after our great expectations of seeing a miracle. What happens to our faith when God sends an answer we don't want to hear??
I walked back to find Johnny sitting in his old office chair. It used to be his seat of power when we were "rocking and rolling" in our successful drywall business. Phones would ring, walkie talkies would chirp, fax machines would roll, printers would fly, file cabinets would overflow, and in/out boxes were stacked high. Now the office was silent and empty except for the pictures and books of Florida State Seminoles, Johnny posing with his favorite coach Bobby Bowden and friends, and the many relics of Johnny's Southern heritage he is so proud of.
I looked at Johnny stooped in the chair staring at the floor. The ravages of chemo and the disease left their toll on his now frail body. He has straggly wisps of grey hair left on his head, his face was gaunt, bony protrusions show through his teeshirt where his strong shoulders and back used to be. His muscles have atrophied. He looked up at me standing in the doorway and gave me a half grin. He patted his lap for me to come sit like in the old days. Before I stepped forward we just locked eyes.
I realized when I look at him, I look beyond his damaged body, to the soul of the man that stole my heart 33 years ago. I'll never forget the day we locked eyes in a crowded room full of people for the first time. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen with piercing green eyes, dark glossy hair. and the body of a greek god. He looked like Elvis in his early Vegas days. When he smiled at me I knew I was hooked. All the girls in my dorm swooned over him. But I was the lucky one he asked out to dinner.
He had a Southern drawl that made me melt and an adventurous spirit that excited me about life. A short time before our wedding he took me for a ride in his brand new Mach I Ford down some lonesome country roads near his home in Campbellton, Florida. He pulled to a stop in the middle of nowhere with his hand on the stick shift. He looked at me and smiled that "Elvis smile" with his curled lip and asked "Want a thrill baby?" I smiled back and answered "Go for it!"
Wheels squealed from smoking tires that sped down the road at breakneck speed. I was thrilled! And it's been that way for ever since. We celebrate our 33rd anniversary on October 4th. It has been an adventure in life I would have never missed, but there were some times of holding on extra tight for dear life! However - I can say I have truly lived.
As I walked towards Johnny sitting in the office tears started rolling down both our faces. I straddled him in the chair and squatted down to hug him - I couldn't sit because his body is too fragile to hold me. He pressed his face into my chest - my half chest, left from the ravages of my own cancer treatments. We kissed. Our kisses are so different now. They mean so much more than they did before. They are fragile kisses - like butterfly kisses. They are so filled with a love that is redefined by tragedy.
We started talking then. We praised God and determined we would not let this break our faith. We determined that God was still in control. We knew that though we did not understand the answer at the moment that God knew and was working in the wings. Our greatest concern was telling Scarlett. She has so much going on, as her photography business soars to greater heights, we did not want this to throw her off course. She trusts the Lord in all things and we did not want the devil to hit her with doubt when she heard the CAT scan report. She has such a fragile and tender heart about her Daddy. He is her rock and she knows he always "has her back" in life. We hesitated telling her until she returned from the convention in California but we knew we had to keep her in the loop.
I jumped in the car to go tell her in person but she called before I could get there so I had to tell her on the phone. I think by the grace of God she was so busy preparing for her second shooter's arrival from Los Angeles (the marvelous Jen), the wedding coming up in Jeckyll Island they would be shooting together, shopping and packing for her trip, juggling her new "customer consierge" Rachel, her new services for other photographers where they can come "Spend a Day With Scarlett," and the whole whirlwind which is now her life - God has kept her too busy to dwell on the latest news about Johnny. It wasn't until later that she called me and cried.
So how do you hold on to hope when things look hopeless? You surrender all to God.The first thing Johnny wanted to do was hold an immediate "holy healing session." But he did not want it for himself. He wanted to pray only for all those we know suffering illnesses and cancer. We know so many! Everyone needs a miracle not just us. And as I was reminded by my Mother when I called to tell her we didn't get our miracle, she said "You didn't get your miracle YET!"
Those six words blazed themselves into my mind as I struggled to get my perspective right and keep my faith in order. YET. I didn't get it YET. It really made me think of the story where the man is up on top of his roof in a flood as the water keeps rising and he is SURE that God will rescue him. A rowboat comes along to help but he sends them away saying "God will save me." A helicopter comes along to help and he sends it away saying "God will save me." The waters finally rise and drown him so he is now up in heaven at the pearly gates and very mad at God. "Why didn't you save me?" he screams at God. God calmly looks back at him and says "I sent a boat and a helicopter."
And so it is the answers come to us in unexpected ways. It makes me wonder about the chinese doctor that was placed in our path. He arrived in our lives weeks ago. He has patiently waited. We were not ready to consider th ealternative step until the CAT scan results. But now - at the moment we are ready - this solution waits in place. I know that God is the great orchestrator of all things. I know that all things work together for good to those who love God. I know when we do not give up and keep trusting God He speaks to us. It is the getting still, the quieting of our hearts - even in the midst of raging storms of doubt - that we can hear Him speak and guide us.
And I am serving notice right here and now to the devil "Get thee from me Satan!" Go! Go! Go! We are conquering cancer with the sword of the spirit. This battle is already won. The cancer wants the body and the devil wants the soul. But it will never happen. The victory is ours despite whatever outcome is God's will. I have listened to so many friends, family, and colleagues over the years and despite some horrific challenges people have faced including loss of child, parent, spouse, home, hope, and tragedies like rape, incest, abuse, addiction, handicaps, I have ALWAYS encouraged everyone to KEEP THE FAITH no matter what!
I realize how hard that is to do at times. And now, here in our own huge challenge I must take my own advice. I must never lose faith or forget how powerful my God is. If I can tell everyone else to do it - I can do it too. Our God is an awesome God. He is there in all things great and small. He cares for each of us as if we were the only living creature on earth. And yet, He still has time to make the universe run on schedule, down to something as miniscule as a worm giving birth.
Yes, He reminded me of this the other day on my dog walk as I stood waiting for Lucky and Rhett to move on. As I stared down at the sidewalk I noticed a worm writhing on the cement then leave a tiny puddle behind. As I continued staring mindlessly I suddenly noticed the puddle moved. Now I was fascinated like a child, and stooped down to see what was moving it. I saw a tiny hairlike thread that grew RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES into an inch long worm that slithered away. I believe God was sending me a message to remember that all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed. Mighty things can grow from it.
And so, our faith is renewed and restored even through new levels that we walk through. We thank our Lord for His tender mercies and we thank all of you for standing in the gap for us as we continue this journey to victory. We wish for each of you, the faith of a mustard seed that will bloom and grow into a brilliant power to light up your life and sustain you through your own trials. Never let go of God's hand. He walks with you through it all. He carries you on His shoulders during tough times. It is then you look down and see just one set of footprints in the sand.
Blessings and love from Johnny, Scarlett, and me.....
Rene
I apologize for taking so long to get this blog out. I had written an entry this weekend to update you on the results of Johnny's CAT scan. The text mysteriously disappeared as I went to copy and paste it from WORD to this website. Talk about kicking and screaming! I started it at midnight Saturday and it took me two hours to do. It was a very emotionally charged one, so tears were streaming down my face the entire time I wrote it. And suddenly it was gone.
Well, that of course kept me up another hour trying to search through my computer trying to figure out where it could possibly have gone. Then when I finally gave up and went to bed I couldn't go to sleep wracking my brain. I got up again and searched the computer more. I didn't get to sleep until about 4am.
Maybe God had a better message to send you through my typing fingers. So here goes take two.
Thank all of you who took the time out of your life to remember ours and pray for Johnny's CAT scan to be a positive report. It was not to be. His tumor has increased by 30% and the adrenal gland site has also grown. They decided to NOT do his scheduled chemo session because of the poor results on the tumor. They are going to try another chemo which helps only 20% of patients and it only offers several weeks of longetivity beyond the prognosis. It is a milder chemo with less side effects.
Johnny's blood count was lower than they needed it to be for a chemo session, so we got a reprieve for this week. Since the prognosis was so grave and the doctor even mentioned a point of no treatment at all for quality of life - I thought it an opportune moment to bring up the possibility of alternative medicine. I had done some research on Mayo Clinic's website and was happy to find that they were starting to explore other methods to use in conjunction with traditional treatments.
I recently crossed paths with a Chinese doctor , who I discovered when I saw a sign for "Reflexology" in his window while driving by. I whirled the car aroun in a u-turn to go get some information. He was available right then and I made an appointment for a reflexology foot massage (one of those heaven on earth moments). During the session we talked in broken English (and pencil and pad drawings) and I told him about Johnny and the diagnosis.
He told me that his wife had lung cancer 4 years ago and that she was treated with chemotherapy and radiation along with a chinese herbal regimen at a hospital in Beijing. She is still alive today. He believes the combination of Western and Eastern medicine is the key to achieving the greatest success in treating a patient. The difference with combining forces is less side effects from the chemo and a stronger immune system to battle the damage from treatments, and to multiply our bodies own "cancer-killer" cells that we already have. Consequently, the patient has more stamina and strength.
He asked me to come back for another visit so he could explain and show me what he was talking about. So I returned and sat down with him at his desk. He described the tallest mountain in China and drew me a picture of it with the snow caps on top. Then he showed me right below the snow area where hundreds of herbs and mushrooms grow that are watered by the melting snow. These are harvested and are used in China especially to treat cancer but also for many other ailments due to their many medicinal properties.
He brought out this bag of herbs and told me that when Doctors write a prescription at Beijing Hospital this is what the patient receives. The "medicine" is prepared by boiling the bag of herbs in a special ceramic pot for an hour. The liquid is poured into two glasses. The pot is filled with water again. One more hour of boiling. Two more glasses of liquid. Next he brought out a box of 10 packets. The powder was concentrated Reishi mushroom powder which the Chinese consider the "king of herbs" in their country. Part of the mushroom's properties in dealing with tumors is that it shrivels tumors and prevents them from sticking to an organ's wall. It also boosts the immune system into a weapon of mass destruction.
It has been several weeks since this meeting but I have told Johnny about it, and though he was interested he still wanted to wait to see what results came from the CAT Scan. That morning as we set in the Doctor's office hearing the discouraging news, I leaned over and whispered in his ear "Can I ask now about the chinese herbs?" He didn't hesitate to say yes. So we told the Doctor what we knew. The Doctor was alot more receptive than I thought he would be. He mentioned Mayo Clinic's great interest in research and finding the cure for the incurable. Lung cancer is such a cancer. Especially Stage 4.
The synchronicity of coincidences appearing in our lives lately steering us towards alternative solutions is interesting. Two separate individuals have brought us information about the healing power of kambucha mushrooms just in the last several days. I was handed a magazine at the health food store with a cover story on the medicinal benefits of maitake, reishi, and shiitake mushrooms. Could their be magic in mushrooms? Let us know what you think. Let us know if you have information.
We have decided to take a leap of faith and try the tea. We are curious if it will boost Johnny's blood count on the test he will have done Friday. We will never give up fighting - never! never! never!
But let's go back to the day of the office visit, the discouraging news, and getting our faith back on track after a left hook from the devil. When we returned home we both kind of walked around in circles. We knew there were alot of people waiting on our call. Especially Scarlett. We really didn't say much during the ride home. We were still in shock after our great expectations of seeing a miracle. What happens to our faith when God sends an answer we don't want to hear??
I walked back to find Johnny sitting in his old office chair. It used to be his seat of power when we were "rocking and rolling" in our successful drywall business. Phones would ring, walkie talkies would chirp, fax machines would roll, printers would fly, file cabinets would overflow, and in/out boxes were stacked high. Now the office was silent and empty except for the pictures and books of Florida State Seminoles, Johnny posing with his favorite coach Bobby Bowden and friends, and the many relics of Johnny's Southern heritage he is so proud of.
I looked at Johnny stooped in the chair staring at the floor. The ravages of chemo and the disease left their toll on his now frail body. He has straggly wisps of grey hair left on his head, his face was gaunt, bony protrusions show through his teeshirt where his strong shoulders and back used to be. His muscles have atrophied. He looked up at me standing in the doorway and gave me a half grin. He patted his lap for me to come sit like in the old days. Before I stepped forward we just locked eyes.
I realized when I look at him, I look beyond his damaged body, to the soul of the man that stole my heart 33 years ago. I'll never forget the day we locked eyes in a crowded room full of people for the first time. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen with piercing green eyes, dark glossy hair. and the body of a greek god. He looked like Elvis in his early Vegas days. When he smiled at me I knew I was hooked. All the girls in my dorm swooned over him. But I was the lucky one he asked out to dinner.
He had a Southern drawl that made me melt and an adventurous spirit that excited me about life. A short time before our wedding he took me for a ride in his brand new Mach I Ford down some lonesome country roads near his home in Campbellton, Florida. He pulled to a stop in the middle of nowhere with his hand on the stick shift. He looked at me and smiled that "Elvis smile" with his curled lip and asked "Want a thrill baby?" I smiled back and answered "Go for it!"
Wheels squealed from smoking tires that sped down the road at breakneck speed. I was thrilled! And it's been that way for ever since. We celebrate our 33rd anniversary on October 4th. It has been an adventure in life I would have never missed, but there were some times of holding on extra tight for dear life! However - I can say I have truly lived.
As I walked towards Johnny sitting in the office tears started rolling down both our faces. I straddled him in the chair and squatted down to hug him - I couldn't sit because his body is too fragile to hold me. He pressed his face into my chest - my half chest, left from the ravages of my own cancer treatments. We kissed. Our kisses are so different now. They mean so much more than they did before. They are fragile kisses - like butterfly kisses. They are so filled with a love that is redefined by tragedy.
We started talking then. We praised God and determined we would not let this break our faith. We determined that God was still in control. We knew that though we did not understand the answer at the moment that God knew and was working in the wings. Our greatest concern was telling Scarlett. She has so much going on, as her photography business soars to greater heights, we did not want this to throw her off course. She trusts the Lord in all things and we did not want the devil to hit her with doubt when she heard the CAT scan report. She has such a fragile and tender heart about her Daddy. He is her rock and she knows he always "has her back" in life. We hesitated telling her until she returned from the convention in California but we knew we had to keep her in the loop.
I jumped in the car to go tell her in person but she called before I could get there so I had to tell her on the phone. I think by the grace of God she was so busy preparing for her second shooter's arrival from Los Angeles (the marvelous Jen), the wedding coming up in Jeckyll Island they would be shooting together, shopping and packing for her trip, juggling her new "customer consierge" Rachel, her new services for other photographers where they can come "Spend a Day With Scarlett," and the whole whirlwind which is now her life - God has kept her too busy to dwell on the latest news about Johnny. It wasn't until later that she called me and cried.
So how do you hold on to hope when things look hopeless? You surrender all to God.The first thing Johnny wanted to do was hold an immediate "holy healing session." But he did not want it for himself. He wanted to pray only for all those we know suffering illnesses and cancer. We know so many! Everyone needs a miracle not just us. And as I was reminded by my Mother when I called to tell her we didn't get our miracle, she said "You didn't get your miracle YET!"
Those six words blazed themselves into my mind as I struggled to get my perspective right and keep my faith in order. YET. I didn't get it YET. It really made me think of the story where the man is up on top of his roof in a flood as the water keeps rising and he is SURE that God will rescue him. A rowboat comes along to help but he sends them away saying "God will save me." A helicopter comes along to help and he sends it away saying "God will save me." The waters finally rise and drown him so he is now up in heaven at the pearly gates and very mad at God. "Why didn't you save me?" he screams at God. God calmly looks back at him and says "I sent a boat and a helicopter."
And so it is the answers come to us in unexpected ways. It makes me wonder about the chinese doctor that was placed in our path. He arrived in our lives weeks ago. He has patiently waited. We were not ready to consider th ealternative step until the CAT scan results. But now - at the moment we are ready - this solution waits in place. I know that God is the great orchestrator of all things. I know that all things work together for good to those who love God. I know when we do not give up and keep trusting God He speaks to us. It is the getting still, the quieting of our hearts - even in the midst of raging storms of doubt - that we can hear Him speak and guide us.
And I am serving notice right here and now to the devil "Get thee from me Satan!" Go! Go! Go! We are conquering cancer with the sword of the spirit. This battle is already won. The cancer wants the body and the devil wants the soul. But it will never happen. The victory is ours despite whatever outcome is God's will. I have listened to so many friends, family, and colleagues over the years and despite some horrific challenges people have faced including loss of child, parent, spouse, home, hope, and tragedies like rape, incest, abuse, addiction, handicaps, I have ALWAYS encouraged everyone to KEEP THE FAITH no matter what!
I realize how hard that is to do at times. And now, here in our own huge challenge I must take my own advice. I must never lose faith or forget how powerful my God is. If I can tell everyone else to do it - I can do it too. Our God is an awesome God. He is there in all things great and small. He cares for each of us as if we were the only living creature on earth. And yet, He still has time to make the universe run on schedule, down to something as miniscule as a worm giving birth.
Yes, He reminded me of this the other day on my dog walk as I stood waiting for Lucky and Rhett to move on. As I stared down at the sidewalk I noticed a worm writhing on the cement then leave a tiny puddle behind. As I continued staring mindlessly I suddenly noticed the puddle moved. Now I was fascinated like a child, and stooped down to see what was moving it. I saw a tiny hairlike thread that grew RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES into an inch long worm that slithered away. I believe God was sending me a message to remember that all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed. Mighty things can grow from it.
And so, our faith is renewed and restored even through new levels that we walk through. We thank our Lord for His tender mercies and we thank all of you for standing in the gap for us as we continue this journey to victory. We wish for each of you, the faith of a mustard seed that will bloom and grow into a brilliant power to light up your life and sustain you through your own trials. Never let go of God's hand. He walks with you through it all. He carries you on His shoulders during tough times. It is then you look down and see just one set of footprints in the sand.
Blessings and love from Johnny, Scarlett, and me.....
Rene
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Be Still My Soul
“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations I will be exalted in the earth.” - Psalms 46:10
The way we listen determines how we live. And the way we live determines how we are blessed. I am learning this day by day as Johnny and I travel on this journey through cancer to victory. The most important lesson, and the hardest one, is learning to “be still my soul” and to find the time to get quiet so I can hear God’s whispers to my heart.
In my last blog you will recall that I shared a moment of faith I had while listening to Johnny sleep. This was the night before his emergency blood test. Last Friday he had been tested and the results revealed extremely low blood counts. The nurse Toni from Mayo Clinic called and requested that we return the next day for a follow-up test to see if the counts were continuing down. She prepared us for the possibility of a blood platelet transfusion, if the numbers were still low. It might be a necessity before the next chemo session.
That night I forced myself to lay in bed and NOT fall asleep. I had an appointment with God that I wanted to keep. We had a few things to discuss and I wanted to step out in faith and try “walking on water.” I had recently spent time in prayer with Scarlett to help her dodge a few of Satan’s arrows he was slinging. I reminded her that the ole devil hits us with his best shot when we are on the brink of a breakthrough, to new levels in our faith and in our walk with Him.
Once again my own faith was confirmed by lighting someone else’s candle. As I lay there being still, I thought that I should take a “spoonful of medicine” that I just ministered to my daughter. If I believed everything I had just told her, if I believed that nothing was impossible with God, if I believed what Jesus said when He told his disciple that his heirs would do even greater miracles than He, as witnesses to His truth, if I believed that God indeed answers all prayer, if I believed that I truly trusted Him in all things, if I believed that healing was possible – then I had to walk through my hesitation of believing that I could pray over Johnny in the middle of the night and that his blood counts could be transformed instantly before the test in the morning.
So that night as I lay there I reached out my hand to touch him and declared him healed. As I did this I poured all the love in my heart out to him through my fingertips and I cast doubt out – just for a moment. Just like Peter, stepping out of the boat, my spirit soared above the water, and I walked on the ocean of love in my heart. I walked on the desire to believe with every beat of my heart that it was possible to transform my love into a power that surpassed all understanding. I wanted Johnny to be healed more than I wanted to breathe at the moment. I cried out in my spirit for God to catch him and hold him in His mighty arms. I asked him to take Johnny’s wounded body and make him whole.
For that twinkling of a moment I believed. And then, like Peter I gasped “Oh my! Is this possible what I am really doing?” Johnny stirred at that moment so I said “OK God, its in Your hands now.” Then I fell into a deep sleep and I’m sure I rocked the house snoring. Yes! By the grace of God I am human and lately often have to go sleep in another room so Johnny can sleep peacefully. But isn’t that what love is all about? Admitting our frailty and being loved despite ourselves?
So hallelujah! Fast forward to this morning. We had not heard anything from Mayo Clinic regarding our results. I reached the nurse today and we received THE ASTOUNDING news that Johnny’s blood count had inexplicably shot up overnight…hmmmmm…..call it what you will but I’m calling it a miracle! No blood transfusion necessary! Thank You Lord for your tender mercies!
So I come to each of you today and ask you to help us with another miracle. Tomorrow is Johnny’s next CAT SCAN to find the new results of what damage to the tumor and other sites has been done with treatments. We are praying to see progress with our weapons of mass destruction (prayer being the greatest weapon) combined with the chemotherapy. Will you please join us in prayer for miraculous results?
The test will be done tomorrow (Thursday) at 12:50pm EST. I ask you to join hearts with us tomorrow and send us all the love you can muster at the appointed time. Take our hands and walk together with us towards miracles in His name. Help us to abound in HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit. By the mouth of two or three witnesses He has told us “EVERY WORD SHALL BE ESTABLISHED.” 2 Corinthians 13:1
So we ask you to join us as we decree Johnny’s healing – as we trust in the promises of the Lord – the Great Physician – to restore Johnny’s health. We also ask, not only for Johnny’s healing, but for all who are broken in heart, body or spirit – those we know and those who we do not know – those who struggle through their own circumstances that need healing – we ask that God will extend the same healing that we ask for ourselves – to all of those we pray for also. If He can do for one He can do for all.
We thank you ahead of time for your prayers and compassion and the miracles to come. And we thank the Lord our God for His amazing grace. AMEN!
Beautiful Blessings to you all,
Rene
The way we listen determines how we live. And the way we live determines how we are blessed. I am learning this day by day as Johnny and I travel on this journey through cancer to victory. The most important lesson, and the hardest one, is learning to “be still my soul” and to find the time to get quiet so I can hear God’s whispers to my heart.
In my last blog you will recall that I shared a moment of faith I had while listening to Johnny sleep. This was the night before his emergency blood test. Last Friday he had been tested and the results revealed extremely low blood counts. The nurse Toni from Mayo Clinic called and requested that we return the next day for a follow-up test to see if the counts were continuing down. She prepared us for the possibility of a blood platelet transfusion, if the numbers were still low. It might be a necessity before the next chemo session.
That night I forced myself to lay in bed and NOT fall asleep. I had an appointment with God that I wanted to keep. We had a few things to discuss and I wanted to step out in faith and try “walking on water.” I had recently spent time in prayer with Scarlett to help her dodge a few of Satan’s arrows he was slinging. I reminded her that the ole devil hits us with his best shot when we are on the brink of a breakthrough, to new levels in our faith and in our walk with Him.
Once again my own faith was confirmed by lighting someone else’s candle. As I lay there being still, I thought that I should take a “spoonful of medicine” that I just ministered to my daughter. If I believed everything I had just told her, if I believed that nothing was impossible with God, if I believed what Jesus said when He told his disciple that his heirs would do even greater miracles than He, as witnesses to His truth, if I believed that God indeed answers all prayer, if I believed that I truly trusted Him in all things, if I believed that healing was possible – then I had to walk through my hesitation of believing that I could pray over Johnny in the middle of the night and that his blood counts could be transformed instantly before the test in the morning.
So that night as I lay there I reached out my hand to touch him and declared him healed. As I did this I poured all the love in my heart out to him through my fingertips and I cast doubt out – just for a moment. Just like Peter, stepping out of the boat, my spirit soared above the water, and I walked on the ocean of love in my heart. I walked on the desire to believe with every beat of my heart that it was possible to transform my love into a power that surpassed all understanding. I wanted Johnny to be healed more than I wanted to breathe at the moment. I cried out in my spirit for God to catch him and hold him in His mighty arms. I asked him to take Johnny’s wounded body and make him whole.
For that twinkling of a moment I believed. And then, like Peter I gasped “Oh my! Is this possible what I am really doing?” Johnny stirred at that moment so I said “OK God, its in Your hands now.” Then I fell into a deep sleep and I’m sure I rocked the house snoring. Yes! By the grace of God I am human and lately often have to go sleep in another room so Johnny can sleep peacefully. But isn’t that what love is all about? Admitting our frailty and being loved despite ourselves?
So hallelujah! Fast forward to this morning. We had not heard anything from Mayo Clinic regarding our results. I reached the nurse today and we received THE ASTOUNDING news that Johnny’s blood count had inexplicably shot up overnight…hmmmmm…..call it what you will but I’m calling it a miracle! No blood transfusion necessary! Thank You Lord for your tender mercies!
So I come to each of you today and ask you to help us with another miracle. Tomorrow is Johnny’s next CAT SCAN to find the new results of what damage to the tumor and other sites has been done with treatments. We are praying to see progress with our weapons of mass destruction (prayer being the greatest weapon) combined with the chemotherapy. Will you please join us in prayer for miraculous results?
The test will be done tomorrow (Thursday) at 12:50pm EST. I ask you to join hearts with us tomorrow and send us all the love you can muster at the appointed time. Take our hands and walk together with us towards miracles in His name. Help us to abound in HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit. By the mouth of two or three witnesses He has told us “EVERY WORD SHALL BE ESTABLISHED.” 2 Corinthians 13:1
So we ask you to join us as we decree Johnny’s healing – as we trust in the promises of the Lord – the Great Physician – to restore Johnny’s health. We also ask, not only for Johnny’s healing, but for all who are broken in heart, body or spirit – those we know and those who we do not know – those who struggle through their own circumstances that need healing – we ask that God will extend the same healing that we ask for ourselves – to all of those we pray for also. If He can do for one He can do for all.
We thank you ahead of time for your prayers and compassion and the miracles to come. And we thank the Lord our God for His amazing grace. AMEN!
Beautiful Blessings to you all,
Rene
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